Tuesday, November 18, 2008

My Honeymoon (i.e., The Most Fun I've Ever Had With a Man I Hope Never to See Again)

My ex and I got married in Alaska. It was the most romantic and wonderful vacation I've ever taken (yes, even ahead of SD which is why I want to take you to AK, Gray, so don't get all huffy on me.) and would have been perfect, save for the whole "getting married when you know it's a really bad idea" thing. I like to forget about that part whenever possible. My wonderful family in Wasilla hosted us for three weeks, and my aunt performed our wedding ceremony by Campbell Creek in Anchorage. It was freezing cold but super beautiful.

This is me on my wedding day, post-ceremony. Pre mai tai.

This is the 272 pound halibut my ex caught on a chartered fishing excursion out of Seward. And by "caught", I mean "swore at while 5 other people helped him keep a hold of the fishing pole, and one guy batted the damn fish's head in while it flopped on the deck and almost knocked two people overboard". The fish, it did not fit in the fish box below deck. The tail stuck out by a good two feet. A crowd of gawkers followed us around as the fish was wheeled over for weighing, and watched as the fish promptly broke the weighing device. It cost over $5oo to filet and ship back to MN. It was...awesome. Oh, and it's belly contained 4 squid beaks. The guy in the photo is NOT my ex. I have no idea who he is. Guy in the photo, if you're reading this, can I please post your photo on my blog? Thanks.

The one in the middle is the ex's. One of the smaller ones (only weighed 40 lbs) was mine.

This is me standing WELL below the guard rail we hopped to get close to this rushing stream. I'm making the fart face. I don't remember why I'm making the fart face. Perhaps I was farting.

This is me on the deck of the cruise ship near one of the glaciers I was praying we didn't run into. It was cold. I was hung over. But isn't it lovely?

This is Juneau, somewhere I'd love to return very soon.

This may have been a warning to the newlyweds. PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK.

The trip was amazing (and expensive). My family was amazing (least of which for forgiving me when I broke up our marriage less than 8 months into it, after explaining myself of course). The scenery was indescribably amazing. The only thing more amazing was that I'd actually gone through with the wedding after finding my ex's online personal ad. If I was looking for a sign, that may have been it. I'm smart like that sometimes.


  1. Ok, first of all, that's a big fucking fish.
    2nd: Personal ad while you were together? WTF?

  2. I hope to see him again...so I can kick him in the balls.
    That fish tasted yummy and you know how I hate fish.
    Hey Grey, you are way better than "Incubus Sucks". No getting huffy. We'll keep you!

  3. Great pictures!! Sorry about how the event ended, but I would guess everyone agrees with me, that you're much better off!!!

  4. Nice blog sorry about the events but just remember INCUBUS SUCKS. I wanna have a another birthday party and play apples to apples. Wanna play. Your the bomb

  5. Well, I tend to have an overly Soft Spot for a lot of Ex’s because they can end up getting a bad rap when all is said and done. (Lord knows I did, but I also did a lot of really stupid things.) But I guess that placing on-line ads can be a pretty tedious thing to explain before your nuptials. Unless, of course, he was angling for a threesome which is really pretty standard fantasy-fare for most guys, married or not. And we’ve all spent more than our fair share of time barking up that tree, for good or ill.
    As for Alaska…did you see any Aurora Borealis? That would have been worth the freezing cold and the, apparently, mutant fish.
    No wonder I’m so afraid of Ichthyoids.

  6. Yeah, the personal ad MIGHT have been a sign. But hey, who am I to judge, I'm smart like that too.

  7. AT least you got a nice trip out of it

  8. I"m still stuck on Alaska being better than SD. Please tell me you're referring to South Dakota and NOT San Diego, because then I'd have to hurt you.

  9. Wow, what a story. The pictures look like even if he was the wrong guy, you had a nice time. Shrug.

    Thanks for coming by my place and gooing up over my adorable little one!

  10. Holy shit that fish is huge. I love the picture of you potentially farting. Sorry the marriage didn't work out but glad you had a fun honeymoon!

  11. That is indeed a big fucking fish.

    I do not like fish, especially really big fucking fish. They cause me to scream like a girl.

    A few years ago, the local paper ran a pic of a really big fish that was caught there. Um, yeah, don't think I didn't remember that everytime I went swimming.


    My cousin had her honeymoon in Alaska 10? years ago, and she said it was amazing. But she kept the guy.

    Oh, and I will respond to your email, but I am at work and need to actually do some work.

  12. I have a photo of that same skull. Mark and I went on a cruise to Alaska a couple years ago...in fact, that's how we ended up in Alaska instead of staying in Tucson. We traded heat stroke for frostbite.

    The whole "lets move to Alaska" thing was my idea.

    On days like yesterday, when it is damp and foggy and cold, I think I was smart like that...

  13. 272 lbs...all in a days work for an Alaskan, but pretty good for a Cheechako.

    And you're making up the part about it being cold out. Fishing season = summer = not cold.

  14. I would have taken the skull the wrong way -- as a blessing. It's really cool. I'm a little off like that though.

  15. Yeah, that's what all the fishermen told us, that they'd seen one bigger earlier in the season as well. They were awfully dang excited about it though, the tour guy made me burn a copy of the video and send it to him. Also, he asked to keep the tail, which I insisted he do so we wouldn't have to pay for that on top of the shipping!

    It wasn't super cold, probably in the 50's most of the trip. When you're in a sleeveless wedding dress in the drizzle and wind, it feels COLD! We were there from Sept 13 to the 26th, I think. We were the last charter this guy ran that year, and it was over 2 weeks after the charter before us, but since we were his first booking ever, he made an exception.

  16. Wasilla? THEE Wasilla? It's like, famous now, huh? Also, beautiful scenery. I've always wanted to go to Alaska. Now, I just want to go find your ex and sort of kick him in the throat. Not in a violent way, more in a what-the-hell-were-you-thinking-sort-of-way.

  17. WOW! I keep saying I want to go to Alaska. The pic on the boat with the glaciers is gorgeous. I'm sad to say that reading the word "Wasilla" made me cringe thinking about Palin. *shudder*

    But yeah, glad you're happy now.
    I had an awesome time going to the Coachella Music Festival near Palm Springs, CA with my ex in 2002 - took ecstasy powder and saw Bjork and Prodigy LIVE while on it too and I have to say it was hard to top that. So once I was with my guy now, I HAD to take him there (although no e that time). Something about wanting to share something that cool with the one you're actually going to be with. Replacement Memories.

  18. This was an awesome post! I loved the title too. Now I have to subscribe, and have another blog in my feed to greedily read. I was so trying to avoid that lol.

  19. I think the best thing (besides me getting to keep the kids) from my first marriage was our honeymoon to Disneyland.

  20. I know Im dreaming but I also have family in Alaska. The four of us should go sometime!

  21. Your 40-lb fish is, like, child-sized. So give yourself some credit.
    You're hilarious!


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