Please come tour our new place, and then send us gifts and shit.
We call it Longfellow Deeds because we're a couple of short bus graduates with degrees is dumbassedness and tomfoolery, and we name inanimate objects, as well as make up our own words for tracking time, like "two grapes ago" and "three grapes from now". Also, remember that part in Mr. Deeds where the sneaky guy stabs the black foot with the fireplace poker? Yeah, this house has a fireplace. So it all works together like Billy Ray and mullets and pimping your daughter. See what I mean?
We don't technically move in until the end of the month, but we have keys now, so therefore the possibility exists that we might accidentally burn it down, so therefore our landlord should consider us a liability, which means we technically live there now. Maybe I should put out a flier warning the neighbors, too.
Although, I've been drunk in this house before - drunk with pockets full of lighters - and didn't burn it down then, so we're probably ok. No need to worry. And I have a renter's policy in case anything should happen, although it only covers the loss of my shit, so you might want to make sure your home owner's is current.
I'm just sayin'.