Friday, September 04, 2009

Live Long and Prosper and Do Your Homework

This is a highly classified transcript of the email transmission I received from Admiral Five Head at 1900 hours on Thursday night:

warning if yo get an email about an old lady in a pet shop DELETE IT IMMEDIAELY!!this may contain a virus so delete it if sent to you.*

End Transmission from
Five Head**
Capt. of U.S.S.Bold
Current Occupation
Star Fleet Command/
United Federation of Planets
Rank:Admiral
Home:1-000-000-0000***
Note:ONLY 3 calls a
week for ensigns



I have no idea why anyone would try to sell an old lady in a pet shop. Everyone knows old lady should be killed and stuffed in the freezer so that their social security checks can be stolen. But in any case, I thought I should do my duty and alert the galaxy to this pressing danger. You're welcome.


*Yes, nerdiness runs in the family.

**He signed his full name here, including the middle one, but you people are sick and I'm not going to tell you my 10-year-old brother's name, except really it's so he doesn't one day disown me for public humiliation. He lives in Arkansas, for christ's sake, I'd say he's already peaked out on the "at risk for stranger danger" bar graph.

***I changed the phone number too, mostly so the Admiral isn't grounded for exceeding his phone call quota.

11 comments:

  1. I sell old ladies at my garage sales. They don't bring in as much as the children, though.

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  2. haha i used to sign my name jr. the third esquire, or mrs. doctor seargent ... just for fun. you know, on resumes and stuff to sound impressive.

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  3. this is about the point where i would open a new email account and send him an email about an old lady in a pet shop. then an old lady in a candy shop, and maybe an old lady in a toy store.

    Ah, little brothers!!

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  4. I never got an old lady anywhere BUT a pet shop. I know I'm not supposed to support the old lady mills, but I want them AOLC certified.

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  5. Happy Blogiversary Beautiful!

    Gray has spoken!

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  6. Yes! Happy Blogiversary!




    Mo-fo...

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  7. What? You mean Five Head isn't your little brother's real name? Are you kidding me?!?!

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  8. I don't know, Cat. I think Gray's mystique is still fully intact. Also, I love this kid Five Head. Clever guy. And congrats on keeping the blog rolling along.

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  9. Um, it is so sad that your brother is cooler at age ten than I am at age *muffle muffle* twenty something... He will grow up to do great things in this world.

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  10. Ha, nice one kid! So should I be worried about the EURO LOTTO WINNER!!! emails I keep getting? I only have to shell out a couple thousand each and someday soon, I'm gonna get millions.

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  11. thanks for coming to comment on my blog SPEAKING FROM THE CRIB. i love your writing style and i am going to follow you regardless of whether or not you follow me, b/c you are way funnier than i will ever hope to be, and i could use a good laugh

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You.Yeah, you. Speak the fuck up.