Friday, September 19, 2008

Peep Show

There are two bathrooms that I use at work, and lately my grapefruit sized uterus is sending me to each of them at least several times a day. Bathroom A is down the hallway from my office past about 1/2 of my co-workers and near the kitchen. Bathroom B is past the other 1/2 of my co-workers, out in the main hallways by the reception desk. I like to "share the love", if you will, between bathrooms because I'm more than a little self-conscious about how often I'm seen going into one. As it is, I'm sure that everyone thinks I have some kind of irritable bowel issue, or possibly an eating disorder. I pee A LOT. This isn't entirely new...I've always been one to drink a ton of water or coffee or tea during the work day, and have to frequent the bathroom more than most folks do. I came to think of the far stall in the bathroom of my former employer as "my" stall and would get secretly miffed when someone else had the gall to use it for themselves.

But now that I'm with child, I've gone from peeing once every 1 to 2 hours to peeing once or twice every hour. So I try to split my time between bathroom A and bathroom B, hoping it will appear that I'm peeing half as much as I am actually peeing. I love both bathrooms for different reasons. Bathroom A is a private bathroom - no stalls, no sharing of potty noises, and no trying to fart quietly lest the person in the stall beside you think you're some kind of an animal. Bathroom B is a two-stall affair; however, it's got lovely aesthetics and is almost always vacant. Both A and B have auto-flush toilets, auto-on sinks, and auto-dispense paper towel holders. I love those modern features.

Unfortunately, I am finding that the auto features are causing some unexpected issues in my day-to-day life. For example, on several occasions I have been in bathrooms elsewhere - home, public, friend's houses - and forget that their particular toilet does NOT have the auto-flush feature. It's rather embarrassing. Also, last night at school I ran into the bathroom for the 3rd time during a single class, and while washing my hands I forgot that the sink did not automatically turn itself off. I left it running the entire time I was getting paper towels, drying my hands, and checking myself in the mirror. "What IS that obnoxious noise? God, someone should really do something about that rushing water sound!" Um...whoops? At least I noticed before I left the bathroom entirely!

I was in Bathroom B the other day, the one in the lobby, taking care of business when another woman came into the bathroom and entered the stall beside me. I finished up, buttoned up and the wonderful auto-flush did it's thing. Then I opened the stall door and walked towards the sink. That's when I realized something was amiss. Imagine how dumb-fucking-founding it was to be staring directly at the woman in the next stall. She was PEEING WITH THE STALL DOOR OPEN!!! She even glanced up at me and smiled before realizing that, hey, this isn't Bathroom A! There is another stall in here and there is also another person in here and OMG that person is watching me pee! She frantically slammed the door shut and apologized, saying she couldn't believe she hadn't thought to shut the damn stall door. I just kind of laughed, washed my hands and got the heck out of there.

I can totally understand where she was coming from though. I bet her primary bathroom has auto-closing stall doors. It could happen to anyone!