Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Stouffer's Whore

I am, as we speak, consuming an entire tray of Stouffer's frozen macaroni and cheese for my 2nd meal of the day. An entire tray. 4 servings of golden goodness, down the hatch and into my bottomless-pit of a stomach. At one time. And would you like to know why I'm not feeling guilty about a binge of this proportion? Why I'm not batting an eye at my gluttony? I'll tell you why. It's because by this time yesterday (ten minutes to noon), I was on my THIRD meal of the day already. So today, I'm lagging by an entire meal and that means I can chow down with the peace of mind that I am only marginally the pig I was yesterday.

I was prepared for the physical challenges that come along with being in my first three months of creating an entire human being from whence there was none. I was ready to face bloating and gas, astounding fatigue and the inability to sleep through the night, and the good possibility that I would spend many weeks with my head inside of a toilet bowl. Those are all things I signed up for at the beginning of this ride. I even made room in my mind to allow for all kinds of other minor discomforts that some women face, such as sore boobs, mild cramping, and moodiness (which also turns out to be a gigantic understatement - demon spawn might be more appropriate here).

I did not, however, read about The Hunger. I've never shied away from eating a big steak and potatoes meal in favor of a teensy salad or a plate of fruit. I've never had a problem with being too thin, shall we say. However, The Hunger that has taken over my body is unlike any hunger I've ever experienced before. When it strikes, I am completely helpless to deny it's demands. It takes me from completely satisfied and not thinking about food in any capacity...to a warning churn of the tummy that indicates that the tummy is once again empty (or angry, I'm not sure which)...to being so ravenous that I'm likely to eat the face off of anyone who enters my line of sight. This transformation seems to take anywhere from 5 minutes to 30 seconds, and so help me god if I do not put some sort of food (fluids don't work) into my stomach IMMEDIATELY!

Consequences of not putting some sort of food into my stomach IMMEDIATELY include:
Nausea
Stabbing pains in the tummy area
Loud growling noises
Headache
Dizziness
Anger
Crazy Anger
Insane, crazy anger
Inconsolable weeping

Needless to say, The Hunger has come as quite a surprise to me. I did not stock up on food to appease for the beast within my belly, as I was fully expecting to be incredibly ill for at least several weeks during this period of my pregnancy. BECAUSE THE BOOKS WARN ABOUT PUKING BUT NOT ABOUT THE HUNGER! I have to say, The Hunger is turning out to be much more expensive than the puking would have been. I have gone from eating an orderly, budget-friendly 3 meals per day...to eating a ludicrous, budget-busting 6 or 7 meals per day.

We're talking, one breakfast at 7, another at 10, lunch at 12 and again at 2 or 3, a small meal after work around 4:30, dinner around 6, another dinner around 8, and very possibly a snack at bedtime. And I wake up in the morning with The Hunger roaring inside of me.

I asked my sister, mother of my wonderful niece, if she had experienced The Hunger. I was telling her how the beast takes over and takes me from full to ravenous in about 5 minutes. And do you know what? My sister finished that sentence. She knew exactly what I was talking about, and said I can expect this to last through the entire pregnancy. So now she tells me! I guess I have that to look forward to!

My biggest concern is that The Hunger will leave me post-partem, but the habit of shoving all manner of food stuffs into my face for the entirety of the day...well wouldn't that bite if it didn't leave along with The Hunger?