Google Analytics. Demonstrating daily (with graphs! charts! primary colors!) that I am most definitely not what you people are looking for. I have a very high bounce rate, and while I know that sounds like a great thing to the lay people, I can assure you that in Blog Land, a high bounce rate is not a desirable thing. We want people to pull up a chair and stay a while. Kick around our blog. Read our archives. Be inspired to lick their monitors.
Also...I'm beginning to think that either you people are the speediest of the speed readers, or you just scroll down to the comment section and mark your territory without actually reading my posts. Because the average time spent on my site is like 1 minute and 4 seconds. Now I KNOW I'm more long-winded that 1 minute 4 seconds will allow for, but I'm going to go ahead and give you the benefit of the doubt because your time is being averaged with that of the people who stop by here accidentally.
People like those two dozen or so who were sent to this post by doing a Google search for "XXX". I'm pretty sure those folks were disappointed when they arrived here at my blog. Which is awesome! Because as much as I love me some porn, I feel that if you want real quality money shots (which by the way are NOT the hottest part of the flick for women, at least women I know), you have to invest a little money. Perhaps begin an at-home collection of your own. Surfing the web for porn is bound to result in viruses on your computer. Cyber STDs burn more than you might imagine.
This one has me totally stumped: "gage gift shit pills". I know I've said all four of those words here, but I don't think they go together logically as something that person was looking for.
"Shit" and "gift"? Sure, of course.
"Gift" and "pills"? Probably.
But those four together, in that sequence. I just can't imagine what that person was trying to find, nor why (when I tried it myself) it might be common enough that there are 211,000 hits on Google. Is this some kind of thing the kids are doing now? Because I'm all about trying new things involving shit. Or pills.
This one is my favorite because...well...because don't we ALL really want to know the answer to this question?
"what is katherine getting me for my birthday in bentonville that probably costs less than 100 dollars and is awesome apparently".
I can tell that person, from experience, that anything katherine may have bought you in bentonville for under $100? Came from Wal-mart.
I'm just saying, keep the receipt if you want any chance in hell of returning it.
I haven't looked at my analytics in a while, but I'm pretty sure my bounce rate skyrockets daily. I read every post... beginning to end. :)
ReplyDeleteGoogle lies.
ReplyDeleteI am facinated by Google Analytics.
ReplyDeleteI had someone make a very critical comment of one of my post anonymously. Although I wanted to track him down and bludgeon him with a wire coat hanger, I was able to figure out he was from Denmark and spend an hour looking around my blog visiting 7 pages and he got there by searching "doing guy stuff" which was a direct hit on one of my post titles. Once I figured all this out, I was flattered that he spent so much time there and I was excited to get my first bad review.
I think a bad comment is better than no comment. When someone lurks around without saying "howdy" at least is kind of creepy. ok ok, I do it all the time but it's not ok for other people! Do as I say, not as I do!
Hey.
ReplyDeleteI just checked mine today too-- and I hardly ever do.
I read the WHOLE thing. SYK. And, yah, my bounce-rate SUCKY SUCK SUCKS too. And I'm lucky to get people reading more than a minute. Like, 49 seconds. Seriously!? What's the difference of the people who are there for .01 seconds, and those who are there for .00? Seriously!
What if we just read really fast?
ReplyDeletemaybe you should try posting more naked pictures...people will stay longer.
I will make it a top priority to leave my browser on your page for hours... maybe that'll bump it up. :D
ReplyDeleteOkay, I probably won't do that, but it's the thought that counts.
I'm sorry, did you say something? I was trying to break the 1 minute 4 seconds record.
ReplyDeleteSince my blog is Causes Rats in Lab Cancer, I get lots of weird and perverted and disturbing hits from google search. I don't know why someone wants to see photographs of cancer in lab rats, or torture of lab rats, or many many weird variants thereof.
ReplyDeletePeople are strange and twisted and sick. Not always a good thing, dang it.
Dang. I wish I had timed myself reading that. I would say the whole post...plus the comment took me a total of two minutes.
ReplyDeleteI don't know how reliable those stats are. I wouldn't let them get to you too much. :)
I can't stand Katherine. Such a cheap b*tch.
I AM a speed reader, actually, AND I type 70wpm, so I can breeze through some posts! And for the record, I totally read all of yours. I read all of most peoples', though I'll admit to skimming a bit on a few lately. I try not to, but you know, when you have to pee and all.
ReplyDeleteAnyhoo... I don't know anything about Google stats but I did just discover Feedjit (I think that's it... it makes me think eedjit, which is how they say idiot in Scotland)... and how cool is that?! I can see who's visiting and where they're from. But now I wonder why so many people don't leave comments. Do they not like me? Am I not as funny as I think I am? Is it my breath? I showered today, I swear. Oh, wait a minute... no... I actually didn't. My bad. Maybe that's why.
OK, off to de-stinkify and see if that helps. Later, dude.
I lurk at certain places, and sometimes I just don't feel like commenting, but some of the things that people search are TRULY bizarre.
ReplyDeleteI think it was gag, not gage. Gag gift shit pills makes sense. Kind of.
ReplyDeleteYou're funny.
Peace out!
I've never played with the analytics before. I'm afraid, but now curious. Damn you! :-)
ReplyDeleteI have the answer - Google Reader.
ReplyDeleteEverybody (and by everybody I mean me) reads your blog in Reader, then goes to the actual blog to comment. Doesn't everybody do that?
Bounce rate just means they hit one page and leave. It's common for blogs.
ReplyDeleteHmmm...I haven't heard about the shit pill rage hitting at our campus yet. I'll keep an eye out for you.
no one even reads my blog.
ReplyDeleteAnd I am a little scared that you are all about trying new things involving shit.
Since I'm just happy anyone bothers to show up at my blog at all I didn't put much stock in bounce rate.
ReplyDeleteMaybe we are all speed readers? Nah!
Haha, well I read your blogs, I know I will always find a laugh in there!
ReplyDeleteTry Googling analytic shit porn and see what happens. I'm not going to because it's early in the morning here and I am afraid of what might come up.
ReplyDeleteIt isn't often one sees words like "analytics" and "money shot" in the same paragraph, along with some practical advice. So in that sense, you are offering a 'value-added' service, and that's cool!
My Google hits normally revolve around "itchy butt" and "my husband fucked my mother." Lovely eh?
ReplyDeleteI can't even figure out how to get Google Analytics installed. You've one-upped me again.
ReplyDeleteHey Cat, I'm here to tell you something that should make you feel a bit better. And not to toot my own horn, but I work for a website and am very involved in traffic analytics, so I know stuff.
ReplyDeleteEspecially with a blog you need to take the bounce rate and time on site with a grain of salt. Let me explain why. When a user comes to your site, unless they click through to another page on your blog (other than the homepage), google has no way of knowing exactly how long they spent on that original page, or the site in general. Without a second page, there is not end point at which to track time or pages consumed. Therefore, when google gives you a time on site or bounce rate statistic, it is only for those users who consumed MORE THAN one page during their visit to your site. Does that make sense?
The reasons this is especially important with blogs is because a bloggers homepage displays many blog entries and therefore they can spent a lot of time on that one/first page they hit, stay for a while, and then leave. Therefore, there's no way to know exactly how long users are staying on your site.
Because of this, I typically just look at daily visits and what the trend is. I do glance at time on site and bounce rates, and if they are especially low one day then I know that users are new and are coming from a social networking site like Twitter or Digg and aren't necessarily getting what they were looking for. But rest assured, you have a good Alexa ranking and many comments per post, so you are all good.
Sorry for the long comment!
I will assure you now: I always read the whole post. Whether I have a comment is another matter.
ReplyDeleteMichael.
Wow, I hope Katharine's gift was worth the wait. And awesome, apparently (that wasn't breaking my no saying awesome in the comments rule since I was quoting your post). I have to say that I read most posts in my reader and then click through to comment, it's easier on my eyes. I wonder if that's not the reason for the speed readers you mentioned.
ReplyDelete