Sunday, November 22, 2009

Still Trying to Conjure Up Edward Norton

Thing that have happened in my dreams since I began taking Chantix:
  • flown on an eagle's back. secretly. and with much secretness.
  • attended a wedding at which cake was eaten with candle snuffers instead of forks
  • found my teenage car chopped in half and utterly undriveable
  • given a guy a blow job in a helicopter which was flown by my friend's mother
  • stolen an RV with a friend's cat locked inside of it
  • shown up to class with all of my books but no knowledge of what classes I was supposed to attend
  • worked as a wedding planner for a crazy bridezilla
  • forged my identity in order to steal two cats (one was named Turkey) from the animal shelter where they'd been rescued after I tried stealing one of them in the RV in a different dream
  • did I mention flying on an eagle's back?

I wake up so exhausted from these dreams (which continue where they left off after I get up to pee, etc) that I spend a couple hours each night laying awake, knowing that if I just lay there and rest, I'll wake up less tired than if I went back to my dream where I'm worried about pulling the damn eagle feathers too hard and subsequently being eaten or dropped hundreds of feet from the air and having to find another ride to school. FOREVER.

The only other side effect (aside from not wanting to smoke which, after all, is kind of the whole point of taking this crazy shit), is that I'm violently nauseous for about 15 minutes each time I take a dose. Kind of reminds me of how I feel when I finish a Chipotle burrito, but without the Niagra Falls situation in the middle of the night.

I'd probably get more rest on the toilet, now that I think about it.