Thursday, January 20, 2011

Typically they're good with money, too.

I was so fucking bored earlier to day that I started googling shit like "free samples" and "how do I ripen peaches" and "Valspar LA609".

Then I googled "Jessica Bern" because of all the bloggers I've met, she's the only one who has spent her career doing stand up comedy and commercial acting, hence there's a better shot I'll turn up a mug shot of her. Or a porn flick. Or, I don't know...a commercial for margarine.

You know what I found? That bitch has 733,000 hits on Google. SEVEN HUNDRED AND THIRTY-THREE THOUSAND HITS. On google.

I only had the attention span to page through the first 3 of those search returns, so the final 732,997 pages may have been about some other famous Jewish chick named Jessica Bern, but I'm guessing she's responsible for at least half of the Interweb chuckles that I unearthed. Jews aren't that funny, as a rule.

But she's an exception. You have to watch this:

Jokes.com
Jessica Bern - Summer Jobs
comedians.comedycentral.com
JokesJoke of the DayFunny Jokes

She's funny, sure (COTTAGE CHEESE ASS!) but her outfit...I'll try to excuse her outfit by explaining that the footage is from 1993, but I don't think it matters much. The blousy shirt is trying to eat her alive and there's no excuse for that kind of fashion.