AP - 1 hour ago
Hollywood, CA - Taylor Swift isn't the only young lady that rapper, Kanye West, embarrassed this week.
According to a police report filed Wednesday, West was scheduled to appear on the Wednesday episode of The View. While he was waiting backstage, West was overheard as saying, "Yo, I done drank too many crystal goblets of strawberry Kool-Aid and gotsta to piss like a motha."
He then used a pistol to shoot open the lock on Barbara Walter's dressing room before entering her private bathroom, knocking her to the floor, and proceeding to "urinate all over the seat", according to witnesses.
Walters suffered minor injuries as a result of the incident but was not taken to the hospital, and with the help of her crew members, she was able to locate her dentures behind the toilet tank and insert them before the show began.
"I hab neber been so insuwted in aww my wife," said an angry Walters to her audience. She said that she wanted her side of the story to be told, so it was important to "get the word owt dere befowe the stowy hits the tabwoids".
"Barbara looked fantastic," said Vanessa Jean King (Long Island) who was in the audience. "I would never have guessed she'd just been assaulted and peed on. Her hair was perfect, and her suit jacket was only a little wet. I couldn't even smell her from my seat."
West, who later apologized for his actions, was taken into custody on charges of assault with a deadly weapon and reckless bladder relieving.
In an unprecedented strategic move, President Barack Obama posted Wests' $5,000 bail. White House spokesperson Robert Gibbs later clarified the President's involvement in the incident. "Mr. Obama's goal is to reach the young people of this country with his message of reform. Kanye West agreed to write and produce an album for the President which will involve a series of customized political rap beats, spoken jazz, and techno brain washing pulses.
Plus, Mr. Obama owed West a 'solid' after calling him a 'jackass' last weekend."
In a statement issued by West's PR firm, the rapper says, "YO PATRICK SWAYZE I KNOW YOU JUST DIED AND ALL ... BUT MICHAEL JACKSON'S DEATH WAS THE BEST ONE THIS YEAR."
Oh, that BaBa WaWa... she just takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin'...ReplyDelete
Love it. and seriously? I don't blame Obama for calling him a jackass-- he is!ReplyDelete
When this loaded in my blogger reader, I was jealous of Barbara's skinny thighs in that photo. I'd glue a permanent toilet to my ass if I could have skinny thighs like that. You know, if we were in a deal-making situation or something.ReplyDelete
yes i do think michael jackson's death def trumps patrick's. although they both have an uncanny relationship with dance.ReplyDelete
thank you for making me spit diet coke all over my monitor.ReplyDelete
Jackass meets wise ass in a very wet way. BaaaaHaaa.ReplyDelete
I think Obama should try calling other world leaders jackasses. That would definitely give him some street cred.ReplyDelete
I need a shower after reading that. I feel dirty! ;)ReplyDelete
I totally think Swayze's death was more important than Michael Jackson's. F Kanye.ReplyDelete
Dude. Ending line? The funniest thing I've read in a long time.ReplyDelete
That was gracious of Taylor to accept Kanye's apology.ReplyDelete
LOL! I'm new to your blog but just had to comment--this is some funny stuff!ReplyDelete
My favorite line: I couldn't even smell her from my seat.ReplyDelete
Okay, darling, it is official. that last line is genius. I actually was believing all I read in the beginning. I gotta work on this gullible issueReplyDelete
Yup, I and my friends thought the same thing, we figured it was all a set up by Kanye West in order to make someone’s career grow or prevent from going down…that’s Hollywood for you!!! Nothing is ever real expect maybe for some “real life” shows/reality shows, but even those, I’m sure, are edited to a certain extent.ReplyDelete
Thanks for sharing such a wonderful blog post and share it with us. I love reading this blog and will share it with my friends :)ReplyDelete