Friday, January 30, 2009

The Trouble With Having To Push Buttons and Stuff

Hi! Hello. Yes, remember me? I used to post, like, all the time and stuff? And if you think really hard, you might recall I used to do shit like comment on YOUR blog. I promise that even though I haven't been marking my cyber territory much lately, I'm still reading one of your posts every week. Honest!

I'm loving the Google Reader, except for the fact that I still have to click through to another page if I want to leave a comment on your blog, and frankly, I'm getting so spoiled by this laptop that I'm only a few months away from expecting everything to happen for me automatically, without any type of physical or mental exertion.

Gotta pee. Done!
Want some bacon. Mmmmm!
Leave a comment on the post about fisting. Didn't have to click through to another page!

I know it's asking a lot, but I'm kind of a whiny bitch like that.

Gray took me out to dinner and a movie tonight. We saw The Wrestler and it was awesome. Seriously. Go see this movie. And if it turns out that you hate it, blame Obama.

Afterwards, we stopped into the bookstore. I wanted to buy everything on the damn tables because I'm a total sucker for book covers. You can go ahead and add "totally judges books by their covers" to my list of reasons I'm going to hell.

Bright and shiny yellow with an embossed ducky? SOLD!
Foggy looking landscape with scraggly trees and drippy font? Hook me up, yo!
Anything with Dr. Phil's face? Would rather do an at-home circumcision. On myself.

But what I really needed was a new copy of Jane Eyre for my women writers class. Sure, I have a textbook anthology which includes all the Charlotte Bronte novels, but it's so BIG. It's unwieldy. I like to read in bed and be comfortable, and that requires one-handed reading. The textbook is too heavy for one-handed reading, it requires two-handed knee-balancing maneuvers. It's just too much work.

Also? I love Jane Eyre. I've read it several times before, many years ago. So many years ago that when I pinched together all 300 pages of the story in my text, I looked at the thickness of pages and declared, "Jane Eyre was never this long before!" So I figured if I went and bought a paperback copy of the book, it would kind of...be smaller. Fewer pages. Less work. Just like I remembered it.

There were two copies of Jane Eyre available at the bookstore, and the smaller of the two has about 450 pages. Because, of course, the textbook pages hold more words than the little paperback pages.

Apparently, willing a classic novel to "be fewer pages" doesn't work. I have got to figure out a way to add Jane Eyre to my Google Reader.