But what can I say? I was sick! And then I was depressed! And then I was a bit psychotic! I was in NO CONDITION to go running. I was in the condition to lay around and cry. And eat taquitos.
But today...well, I threw on my tennis shoes, dusted off my Ipod (literally), and went to the community center. And when I walked in? I realized exactly just how long I'd been gone: the lobby has been entirely remodeled. There were walls in places that were formerly wall-less. And not just walls, but sheet rocked, painted walls with pretty pictures hanging on them.
It was a little embarrassing having to ask where to find the sign-in book. The lady at the desk was judging my slothful ass, I could tell. But then I realized I didn't care what she thought because she works at the fucking community center. Who is she to judge me?
I don't know how far I ran because I lost count right around lap number "try not to puke", when my vision darkened and the giant green bean asked me if I knew how to read my pulse (is it count my pulse? take my pulse?) But I did run for 50 minutes. And by "ran", I mean walked almost as fast at that lady with the oxygen tank.
I'm hoping the workout will help me fall asleep tonight without having to, you know, cry and stuff. So I'm going to go take a bunch of Tylenol PM and start writing an analysis on "the romantic hero" for my lit class. That's a good snoozer combo, don't you think? (Hopefully the Tylenol also helps my legs not seize up during the night)((which is totally likely since I gave Gray so much shit yesterday about his robo-arms))(((because we already know that Jesus fucking hates me))).
If this works to fight against the blues, I'll be sure to run this weekend. I'll need it. Here's why:
Gray and I - specifically the "I" portion of that duo - are just not ready to try for another baby. We're still paying the damn hospital bills from the last baby, and (if you hadn't noticed), I'm still kind of a wreck, so I don't think throwing a helpless child into the mix is a great idea at this point, no matter what we want. (Hear that, Octo-mom?) We need more time to get back into that "place", where the thought of getting pregnant is a happy one, not one that scares the piss out of me, so this birth control pill thing won't really throw a wrench in the family plans.
Hopefully it helps. If not? You'll see me on a 20/20 special. I'll be the girl who skinned herself with a vegetable peeler and then sold the shavings on Ebay.
You are apparently doing much better at your running routine than I am.
ReplyDeleteAnd I really hope you don't skin yourself with a vegetable peeler. Because I'm pretty sure I would read about it, and then throw up, and then keep reading about it.
Which, from what I've heard, isn't healthy. Like, at all.
Ixnay on the eelerpay, m'kay? Errk.
ReplyDeleteA few deep breaths, a quick smack to the face, FOCUS.
Slow down, kiddo, don't wear yourself out. BTW, I have a sideline in romantic heros, what kind of analysis do you need? :)
Watch out for the crazies.
ReplyDeleteI will still hold up my end of our pact and continue to take my pills every day for the rest of my life. At least one of us needs to remain sane. Right?
rofl...this line was priceless: "And by "ran", I mean walked almost as fast at that lady with the oxygen tank." Thanks alot, now I have to clean nose spurted heineken out of my keyboard! That's the price I pay for loving your blogs :o)
ReplyDeleteGoddamit, all of my wit has left the building (don't tell the Universe, that totally was NOT a positive statement).
ReplyDeleteBut...I'm VERY proud of you for running. Good job.
Well if you peel your skin off that would probably take care of the birth control aspect for you guys. Well at least I can assume : )
ReplyDeleteGetting over my miscarriage was one of the scariest things I had to do and then once I got pregnant again I was a nervous anxious psychotic mess! But it all worked out in the end. You'll know when your ready again.
I got stuck on the giant green bean asking you to read your pulse. Sorry. I'm simple like that.
ReplyDeleteProud of you for running!
Holy Hell. If only I could motivate myself to run. Don't get me wrong, I've done it, just not in the last two or three months. Maybe you've inspired me to dust off my music maker (cassette walk-man) and go for a speed walk tomorrow. That's more up my alley. I can always blame it on my knees.
ReplyDeleteHope all of your woes get their asses kicked.
Feel better!
loves the line about going to sleep without having to, you know, cry. Yah.
ReplyDeleteThat'll be me.
Dammit. I shoulda dusted off my tennis shoes and ran until I was sleepy too! (and no, I don't play tennis.. so I shoulda said running shoes. But Tennis Shoes sounds hoity-toity and I like acting cool like that. For shizzle.)
Running? That's like walking really really fast right? Mmm, taquitos. Wait, peeler. Ew.
ReplyDeleteyah, working out for me is essential to mental health! i get teary and anxious without it, even panicky. and irritable. did i say irritable? :)
ReplyDeletehang in there. take fish oil. i take it every day for three years and it has changed my life. i felt happier after a few months and my periods are so much less painful than they used to be, also it made my skin prettier.
It amazes me how you can have me laughing out loud all the way through your blog. Do you talk like this? You should do videos you are that funny, seriously, you are my hero.
ReplyDeleteWe saw sunshine up here the other day and I threw on my running shoes and went for a run...er slow jog I mean. It was a mediocre effort, I had little stamina, but man it was good to be out there again.
Keep at er, it'll start to feel good again, we just have to get over winter hibernation mode. :)
"But then I realized I didn't care what she thought because she works at the fucking community center. Who is she to judge me?"
ReplyDeleteI would have felt her judgmental eyes boring a hole in the back of my head and then taken that as a sign that I really should wait another week or two before starting the fitness routine. You are so much stronger than I.
You're way more motivated than me, believe me. I can't even walk to the other side of the house without needing a rest. Ok, it's not THAT bad, but almost.
ReplyDeleteSorry about the zits and birth control. That's a great band name... Zits and Birth Control. Feel free to use it, you're welcome. I'm glad you're considering your state of mind and waiting until you're ready (which will prolly be soon). Yay.
So sorry about your skin problem.
ReplyDeleteI know how awful that can be!!
But good for you for running!
That is awesome!
Run Cat Run! Run until you can begin to see the light at the end of the long black cavern you now find yourself in. Allow yourself to cry, and cry until your heart lightens. Turn to your talents for writing and imagery, which are already developed beyond your years, and recognize that the greatest in these fields did their best work during times of personal tragedy.
ReplyDeleteBut just to be safe, have Gray hide the peeler.
I think getting your head on straight is a good idea. Everything else will fall into place. Signed: The Great Oracle
ReplyDelete...giant green bean asked me if I knew how to read my pulse? *subscribe!*
ReplyDeleteI'm waiting to see if I can get the copper IUD with my insurance. Otherwise, the BC script will have to be filled. I am dreading that though because you have to take it the same time every day! I can't remember to do ANYTHING NOR CAN I DO ANYTHING ON TIME. I might as well just keep using condoms if that's the case. LOL
ReplyDeleteAw, things will get better. Promise. Also? It could be worse. You could be like me and my husband who don't even need contraceptives anymore because we have sex literally once a month. And that ain't enough to cook up a baby. Thankfully.
ReplyDeletePlease do not skin yourself with a vegetable peeler. Just sell some of your dirty underwear on Craig's List.
xo