The English language never ceases to amaze me. How can so many words that feel SO RIGHT on my tongue (like "episiotomy", "pustule", and "bitch slap", ) have definitions that are so negative?
I used to watch a lot of CSI (until I realized I'd already seen, like, every single episode, not because they were reruns, but because THEY ARE ALL EXACTLY THE SAME), and I'd sit on the couch all curled up with a cup of tea - ok, let's be real: it was usually a coffee mug of Popov - and while I was singing The Who at the top of my lungs, I'd be rooting in my head for someone to slit someone else's throat! YES! So I can hear Grissom say "exsanguinate" over and over!
Those strangulation episodes were a real let down, as were the head traumas and drug deals gone wrong. The ones where people got chopped up were ok, but still, nothing says "relaxation" like watching a show about some chick who got decapitated because her lover thought she was stealing cash and hiding it in her trachea.
Let's break down all the pieces of "exsanguinate" and determine where this awesome word went bad.
- First, we've got "ex". I don't know about you, but this word means "freedom" to me. And freedom is most definitely a good thing, unless you're that damned caged bird that sings all the time, in which case you don't much seem to care one way or the other.
- Then we've got "sang". How can anybody not fucking love sang? We do it in the shower! We do it at the bar! We do it in the car! At weddings! At ball games! Sang is a good goddamn thing! Unless you're Gray, in which case PLEASE I BEG OF YOU NEVER SING AGAIN. Singing is not for you.
- Next up is "guin", which doesn't mean anything at all. But it also doesn't mean anything BAD, and it kinda sounds like "grin", which generally has positive connotations. Unless it's one of those creepy grins, like the cashier at Walgreen's gave me yesterday. The kind that looks like it means "I'd like to exsantuinate you" instead of "today is double coupon day".
- Last up is "ate", and the only way you could look at this in a negative light would be if you said, "I really want some of that bacon, but I'm full 'cause I already ate."
So there you have it: scientific proof that the word "exsanguinate" is really an awesome thing, regardless of how pop-culture has twisted it's original meaning. I'm going to start telling people I want to exsanguinate them, which really means I want to be free to sing and eat bacon with them.
(Wait - I just looked up "scientific proof", and I'm going to have to dispute the meaning of those words tomorrow, otherwise this entire post was a waste of time.)
Speaking of exsanguinate, this is how we'll be spending our Friday the 13th:
Sorry to burst your bubble, but as a person who read the dictionary as a nerd-child looking for word origins, I must tell you that "sanguine" is a Latin word for blood, or lifeblood in this case, and ex is a prefix for negating or destroying or removing....therefore, ex-sanguine would mean to remove blood or destroy life....with the "ate" being a suffix for making the previous root word an action or verb.
ReplyDeleteUh....yeah so I was going to comment on this quote of yours: "nothing says "relaxation" like watching a show about some chick who got decapitated because her lover thought she was stealing cash and hiding it in her trachea."
This is why I watch Bones. Horrific and weird deaths + hot Greek guy David whatever the fuck his last name is.
I'm clueless.
ReplyDeleteBut, that's the story of my life :op
Ex means Freedom. HA.
ReplyDeleteMe too re: Friday the 13th!!
You're weird.
ReplyDeleteI like it.
I've been stashing cash in my trachea for years, should I be worried?
I would also like to see more defenestration in my crime shows.
ReplyDeleteMy hubby is a police detective and he and most of his co-dicks won't watch CSI because it's so unreal. Everyone is way too serious. Real dicks find humor is oozing bodies, hilarity in suspects stories and just some fun in human sufferings. It's probably a defense mechanism or they are just so used to things that it doesn't bother them. I think it's because most of these cops are just cracked in the head, but thats just my opinion
ReplyDeleteI'm horrible that way, but I love this post. It's so fun. Good job.
ReplyDeleteex. freedom. hahaha. you funny! Oh, wait. "You slay me!" HAHAH!
OOOH - I think I am going to have to see that on Easter! (VD for all you saps who have sig others). Looks good!
ReplyDeleteMy favorite word in the English language is smock. It is just fun to say. Try it.
ReplyDeleteEx = Freedom I love it!!! I looked for the cash everywhere but the trachea… I should have known- its always the last place you look.
ReplyDeleteSomeone said the the most beautiful phrase in the English language is "cellar door," and it does sound really pretty when you say it, no matter the actual meaning.
ReplyDeleteAnd Cat, spring is coming, and Grey loves you dearly. Hang in there, babe.
I would be calling in the year of Cat. Yuck.
ReplyDeleteLike I love the word consanguinity, but not, ya know, what it means. :-0.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking as someone who spent most of her adult life working in the medical field, all people who spend time around sick & or dying/dead bodies have a great(totally absurd) sense of humor about it, or else they could not do it. ~Mary
I think when you say "guin" it's like "I am guin to eat some bacon, any minute now." Probably.
ReplyDeleteBacon and decapitation. That's why I come here.
ReplyDeleteThere is nothing negative about the words "bitch slap". At least in my book.
ReplyDeleteI now have a new hiding place for my drug money...hello trachea!
Affirmation: you are complete random and it's funny as shit.
ReplyDeleteAs a divorcee, i could not agree with your take on the word "ex" more.
ReplyDeleteFreak.
ReplyDeleteI didn't even realize it was Friday the 13th until I read it here. I'm such a loser. And even though I already ate, I would never pass up bacon.
ReplyDelete