home

1. the corner house in bellflower, ca - where we had citrus and plum trees, where my dad built a kick-ass playhouse in the back, where my parents were happy, where my dad would bounce us on the eucalyptus tree limb in the front, where our neighbors had an avocado tree
2. the condo in bellflower, ca - where i called 911 and hung up and got in trouble, but not too much, where i remember the earthquake that sloshed the fish bowl, where i tried to pee standing up to see what it would be like, where i played "doctor" for the first time
3. the house on cannock lane in bella vista, ar - where my dad paid cash for my grandparent's house, where my sister and i raised ourselves, where we walked to the lake and swam off the docks, where the giant black snake wrapped itself around the phone pole, where the cat fell out of a tree, where we played in the woods and believed they were magic
4. the little house in bentonville, ar - where we lived with a friend so my mom could go to college, where my sister, mother, and I all shared one bedroom for years, where i fell in love with dustin down the street, where i read the seventeen article about cutting and got inspired, where i walked three blocks to middle school, where i walked two miles to junior high, where i was embarrassed to bring friends
5. the new husband's house in rogers, ar - where i tried out the new school for three months and then home schooled, where i showered three times a day, where i went after work at kisor's grill & bakery, where i learned to hate god, where my brother was conceived, where i fell in love with his giant forehead and smile, where i left at seventeen, where i never wanted to return
6. the boyfriend's house in bentonville, ar - where i lived with my boyfriend and his parents, where i cranked the heat up to 90 one time when i was hung over, where i had sex in the yard, where i ironed his father's work shirts when his mother was in minnesota getting chemo, where i felt like a part of a real family for once, where i felt useful and normal and wanted
7. the staff "housing" in stanley, id - where i lived in a heated yard shack for two months while i worked first as a housekeeper and then as a prep cook at the lodge, where i talked to the does on my walk to the kitchen each morning, where i swung off a rope swing out over a two hundred foot ravine and wasn't afraid, where i drank a liter of vodka and scared the fuck out of my boyfriend by passing out cold, but wasn't hung over the next day, where i cliff dove into the glacial lake, where i got sunburned on my day off in the paddle boat on the lake by myself, where i was free for the very first time
8. the basement in bloomington, mn - where we lived in my boyfriend's brother's basement, where i learned to drive stick, where i hosed his vomit off the driveway and gave him a bath without waking the family, where my nephews were born, where i got drunk and crawled under the truck in the garage to spy, where i broke down at the dinner table because i missed a spot when i mowed the lawn the first time, where i nearly let the oldest nephew tumble down the basement stairs on accident, where i watched teletubbies
9. the apartment in bloomington, mn - where i paid all the bills by myself, where i set the precedent for paying the bills by myself, where i called the cops because i was drunk, where my boyfriend accused me of being gay because i made a female friend, where i went to college for the first time, where i worked as a waitress at the mall of america, where i helped an old lady off the floor where she'd fallen by the laundry room, where i cried when my brother left after visiting, where the ducks lived in the pool out back
10. the long, skinny house in bloomington, mn - where we got two puppies that were against the lease rules, where the neighbor kids ran around in diapers and threw rocks in the pond, where the bathroom was behind bi-fold doors in the middle of the living room, where my boyfriend's parents bought me a computer for school and the boyfriend destroyed it watching porn online before the free software trials expired, where i had an albino squirrel as a friend
11. the henry circle house in belle plaine, mn - where i bought my first home three weeks after i turned twenty-one, where i loved my neighbors, where i loved to guess what type of crop would be growing in the fields behind us each year, where i took pride in my lawn, where i was when i got "the call", where i lived alone with the dog for months, where i called the escort service, where my sister lived when she moved to minnesota, where i met my jill, where my niece came home after she was born, where i fell in love with gray, where i told my husband i wanted a divorce, where i never wanted to leave but couldn't afford to stay
12. the rental house in belle plaine, mn - where i moved with my sister and her baby, where i hated the decor from 1972, where i loved the robins in the yard, where gray moved in with me, where i found out i was being laid off, where i smoked pot last, where i watched my niece walk, where we played catch in the side yard, where i started to run in earnest, where i hated that it wasn't my old house
13. the one bedroom apartment in shakopee, mn - where gray and i moved without my sister, where it was tiny, where we had to adjust to apartment living, where we smoked, then quit, then started again, where i got pregnant, where i did my algebra homework, where the air conditioner was always broken
14. the two bedroom apartment in shakopee, mn - where i lost the baby, where i learned to bake wheat bread, where we have an extra bedroom, where i holed up this winter, where we hung the curtains, where we are right now, where i feel cooped up
15. the new house in minneapolis, mn - where we will be moving on july first, where i can garden again, where we can grill our dinner every night, where we'll have a dining room, where i can paint if i want to, where we'll save money on rent, where i can mow the lawn again, where we'll be one block from the mississippi river, where i'll be able to step out the door and run, where we'll be happy, i hope