Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Sick, But Not Really Sick

Remember when I used to post frequently and about non-health-related topics? Neither do I.

So I'm trying to figure out if my immune system is crashed due to the limited amount of food I've eaten recently, or whether it has something to do with standing outside in the wind and rain for three hours on Friday night, followed by over-consumption of vodka cranberries and two extremely long cigarettes, wrapped up with a day of hungover errand-running and close proximity to sick children.

But whatever the cause, I now have that kind of Sick that makes you feel like there's millions of shards of broken glass in your throat and that your neck glands are going to actually pop out of your body - split from your throat like some kind of fucked up cell division - but it's also the kind of Sick that doesn't actually give you a fever (i.e., an excuse to stay in bed all day) and therefore you must remain conscious and go to work and try not to scare anyone into thinking you've got the plague, "No really, this snot is all clear so we're cool, don't worry."

I've been drinking fluids like mad, which sends me to pee every 15 minutes or so (did I mention that the toilet seats around here are made of ICE?), but nothing else seems to be helping the burning eye/screaming throat/fuzzy brain situation, and the little bit of appetite I've managed to work up lately has vanished again, leaving me to my saggy pants and even tinier boobs (it's possible, I assure you) and a stomach that makes very angry sounds when I'm trying to sleep.

So basically, WAH. Oh, and WAAAAHHHH.

On another note, my mother did NOT approve of the "tone" of my bio (found here), which basically tells me that I did it right. God help us all when the day comes that she finds this blog. I'm guessing she'll like my bio here even less.

I'd also like to give a big shout out to my former boss whom I just learned reads this blog, like, even when I talk about midget porn, which in turn means I can never again use him as a reference. Fuck.