Monday, June 29, 2009

Moving Bonus

We finished cleaning the apartment on Saturday, and while I was cleaning, I did what any self-respecting woman would do and I took off my pants.

What?!

Bleach STAINS people, this is not exactly new information here.

At one point, a friend (who is also going through the hell that is moving) came to borrow the truck, so Gray met the guy outside to hand over his keys.

So there I was, wiping out the oven in my blue underwear, bra-less in my used-to-be-white tank top, complete with latex gloves, jammin' to something on my ipod (I forget what song, you'll understand why in just a moment), when I look up and see both Gray and his friend STARING AT ME from the entryway.

This is where I died. The End.

***

What actually happened was that I see Gray give me a once-over, and then I see his friend do the same, and then their expressions simultaneously changed from "casual disinterest" to "what the fuck is going on here", the realization dawned in their eyes at the same instant: SHIT, SHE'S PANTS-LESS. Which would have been funny. You know. If I had been wearing pants.

Meanwhile, I was standing frozen in place, like, maybe they wouldn't see me if I just held real still, with my steel wool in one glove, my dignity in the other, ipod still blasting in my ears, completely unable to remedy my predicament because my pants were laying on the floor in the other room and that I was standing in the middle of the kitchen with nothing to hide behind.

Upon the realization that, SHIT SHE'S PANTS-LESS, Gray's friend backed quickly out of the apartment door and into the hallway, presumably to save his eyes from further corruption, and Gray (helpfully) burst into laughter, apologizing that he hadn't realized I was sans clothing, despite the fact that I'd been walking around like that all.day.long.

"WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAND ME MY PANTS?" It seemed like an appropriate question, but it took me a moment before I could form actual words. I was that horrified.

When finally he handed them over I yanked them on and called out to the friend, "Ok I guess you can come back in now." Which he did. And then I continued to clean the oven whilst making small talk with two guys who had just seen me singing in my underwear, all of us pretending that THAT? Did not just happen.

All I could think of was, "I wonder how my ass looked?"