Have a Happy 4th and be safe, ya'll.
Or, if you'd prefer, be inebriated and careless with explosives. What the fuck do I care?
Saturday, July 04, 2009
Proud To Be An (Drunken) American
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- Cat
- The illustrious career of young author Catherine “The Husk” Campbell began when she embarked to write a novel based loosely in her own personal chagrin at never having been molested as a child. That book, “Why Don’t My Uncles Want me?” was shelved once she realized she would have to wait for the deaths of several family members before publication could even be attempted. After her failure with a novel, Catherine fell into despair and was hospitalized for a time for a “nervous condition” that caused her to chew her lips almost into non-existence. Luckily, a renowned plastic surgeon was able to use Catherine’s labia majora to replace the damaged facial lips. This gave Catherine a bizarre appearance and she hid from the public eye for many long months. After the discovery of a therapeutic lipstick, Catherine emerged from hiding. She is planning a triumphant return to Reality later this spring. Catherine currently lives at an undisclosed address with her common-law husband and is petitioning for the surgical insertion of a hook where her left hand currently resides. (My many thanks to C.S. Perry for this Awesome Piece of Bullshit.)
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3 comments:
Happy 4th to you too! We're seeing the holiday in a whole different light now that we have kids that we need to keep sleeping through the fireworks. One day we'll get to enjoy it again~
I had neither inebriation or explosives! So I made it through the weekend!
Hooray for alcohol and things that go boom!
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