Wednesday, July 08, 2009

Which Is How I Came To Be Wearing Socks On My Hands

How in the name of god did it turn into July 8th? I must have missed that memo because I'm still back on June 17th, scratching my head and looking around, going, "Where'd everybody go?" Then I remembered that June was so cold and crappy that all of my ghost tan lines are really from May, and I don't even remember what I did in May, probably because it was May and I was thinking I didn't need to pay attention until at least June, because that's when it starts to get good.

I do not even know where to begin with what's been going on around here. At least a dozen times a day, I shout (inside my own head), "I HAVE TO BLOG ABOUT THIS" and then I don't write it down because I cannot imagine any circumstances under which I could possibly forget to tell you such a MARVELOUS THING, and then our backyard bunny friend makes and appearance and a chipmunk almost crawls on my arm and I thin, "I HAVE TO BLOG ABOUT THIS" and then Gray runs all over the house calling my name because he found a video that I must see. IMMEDIATELY must see. And he's actually right about this video, it might be the best thing I've ever seen, and we watch it together with a warm tingle surging through our bodies, which is either the feeling of hope for humanity or lust, they're really very similar, those two surges. And then pretty soon it's time for bed, and then WHOOPS it's Wednesday again and I still haven't blogged about that awesome thing that happened, let me sit down and do that now.

Wait...what happened again? I have really got to start writing shit down. I literally cannot remember any of the things I was going to tell you. Christ on a crust.

OH! Apparently that little epithet dislodged ONE little thing, which is that I think I ::might:: be losing my mind a little bit.

Earlier this week, I ran to the bank to make a withdrawal from the ATM before going grocery shopping. I made sure to take out the exact amount of my allotted grocery budget for this trip. I went to the store, purchased (nearly) only items that were on my shopping list, and proceeded to pay with my debit card instead of with cash because I NEVER have cash.

When I got home, I realized that I'd forgotten to use the cash and lamented to Gray that I am becoming senile. He objected surprisingly little.

The next morning, I was running a few minutes early to work and decided to swing by the bank and re-deposit the cash I'd taken out (but not used) for groceries. One freeway exit and ten minutes out of my way, I inserted my debit card in the ATM and realized, "SHIT. That's right! I remember that I decided NOT to withdraw cash for groceries because I ASSUMED I would forget to use it. Which is exactly what happened, except I forgot SO MUCH that I still thought I'd taken out cash, and am now trying to deposit invisible money."

Never have I felt so Short Bus.

And there have been 3 to 5 incidents of similar insane-ed-ness in the past two weeks. I'm afraid for you all, that much is certain. I never should have cut back on the booze.