That's right, I've made it one whole entire fucking year. THREE HUNDRED AND SIXTY FIVE DAYS, YO! and I'd like to apologize to all my faithful readers for subjecting you to the horror that is Zipbag of Bones.
All of those names that I've called you? All the vicious rumors I've started about you (wait, I don't think I told you about those. never mind.)? All the offensive remarks that I made about your mothers and your penises? I am SO sorry.
But really, no I'm not. Dumbasses.
In honor of this ridiculously unlikely occasion, the occasion of me actually following through with something, I'd like to send one lucky Zipbag of Bones reader a very special AUTOGRAPHED, first edition publication.
It's a book called Rosie Red Bottom (A Comedian With Feathers), and it debuted in July to rave reviews! This book, written by my very own Aunt, Donna Mann, is about the adventures of an African Grey Parrot named Rosie who perches with her human family in Wasilla, AK (yes, she CAN see Russia from there), and includes tips, tricks, resources and strategies for anyone considering adding a bird to their household.
Aunt Donna really encouraged my writing habit when I was a kid, helped me copy my stories, type cover letters, find publishers, and send my brain-spew far and wide - a very exciting endeavor for a ten-year-old literature junkie. She also busted me looking at my first Playboy.
And now she has an actual book (and a blog!) of her own, with pages and chapters and a cover and EVERYTHING, and I'm very proud to have a published writer in the family.
I know the subject matter of Rosie Red Bottom is just slightly a-typical for this website (you're usually more likely to find inter species porn banter than inter species co-habitation manuals) but I figured what better way to celebrate my first year of successfully disturbing and offending the Interweb than to give away an actual book!
So to anyone in the U.S. or Canada (I guess I think I'm made of money)((or maybe I'm drunk)), there are two ways to enter this awesome giveaway:
- Leave a comment on this post between now and Friday, September 4th at 12:00 p.m. noon Minnesota (aka Lutheran) time.
- Tweet this contest and tag with #RedBottom between now and Friday, September 4th at 12:00 p.m. noon Minnesota (hot dish) time. YOUR TWEET MUST BE TAGGED!
You can have up to two entries in the giveaway, one for each entry type, but if you leave two comments, it will count as just one entry, and if you tag two tweets, it will count as just one entry. I'll delete duplicates because I'm an evil bitch like that.
I'll use randomizer.org to pick a winner after the deadline! And then I'll taunt the rest of you losers, unless you want to nominate me for a Nobel Peace Prize for all the good humanitarian work I'm doing here at Zipbag of Bones, or a Lifetime Achievement Award for all of the bottles of wine I'm single-handedly consumed, in which case I'll draw a second place, phallic-shaped trophy and fax it over to you.
Because I'm a giver.
BON CHANCE, TOUT LE MONDE!