Washington D.C. - As President Barack Obama Prepared to tape his back-to-school speech for America's school children, members of his cabinet began noticing marked changes in the President's demeanor.
Says Florida's GOP party Chairman Jim Greer, "The President started talking like Boris Godunov. I'm not even joking, his accent morphed into a combination of Russian and Muslim. TERRORIST Muslim. Clearly, he intends to begin indoctinating our nation's children into his left-wing teachings and underhanded socialist values. I am urging parents to protect their children from this attack by the President. Keep your kids home from school. Do not let them watch the President's address. Fashion double-layer tin foil hats for their tiny heads. It's the only way to keep the socialism out."
Other sources inside the White House confirm that Obama has begun insisting that everyone call him "Comrade Obama" and has also ordered the kitchen staff to undergo hours of grueling goose stepping drills on the White House lawn.
Roy Patterson has three children in the D.C. public schools: "Yeah, I read a copy of the President's speech on the Internet, and I am OUTRAGED by his blatant use of the words "talent" and "responsibility". Nobody tells my kid he's smart, you got that? NOBODY."
Other critics of Obama's speech call him a "political pedophile", insisting that he's "going after the young ones" because they cannot protect themselves against his "socialist mind rays".
Despite all the controversy, Obama insists his speech is about telling kids to stay in school and study hard. "No matter what you want to do with your life – I guarantee that you'll need an education to do it," the President says.
"Plus, this way I can brainwash them all at once with my hypnotic eye swirls."
The address is scheduled to air at noon eastern time on the White House website and on the C-SPAN cable network.
lol I really don't like Obama myself, and if I had kids I probably wouldn't want them to watch this either. :P
ReplyDeleteThis is hilarious. That swirly-hypnotic-spiral-thingy made me blow coffee out my nose.
ReplyDeleteOMG... I sent Vlad back to college without his tin-foil hat! Does this mean I might get universal health care coverage now that I'm unemployed? Say it isn't so. I really need it now that the magic swirly thing has performed universal brain surgery on me.
ReplyDeleteAhh, I missed it. I would have kept my kids home from that whackjob president though. Why would I want someone inspiring and motivating my children? That's ludicrous and we try to set the bar low around here.
ReplyDeletePost modern socialism is so passe'
ReplyDeleteI love that commie.
ReplyDeleteOh, shit...was there an election already?
ReplyDeleteYour swirly thing gave me a headache. Thanks for that.
ReplyDeleteDamnnit! What kind of world are we living in where Presidents encourage students to stay in school?! The outrage!
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad that I don't have kids....I would never want them subjected to this sort of crap. Stay in school? Work hard? Education is important? What's next? Seriously...
ReplyDeleteThese are scary, scary times...
if it was mc cain they would be ushering the tv sets in by the thousands. since he's a black muslim they're all having a white guy hissy fit. so retarded.
ReplyDeleteMy kid's take:
ReplyDeleteHe said to always wash your hands, and that there are no excuses for not trying your best. And something about something else but it was boring because Mom, you already tell me all this stuff so why did the President of the United States have to tell me too?
Much ado about nada. And that spinny thing is sick, in a bad way. oy.
Pretty soon you'll all be Canadian.
ReplyDeleteMWAH HA HA HAAAA!
"I am OUTRAGED by his blatant use of the words 'talent' and 'responsibility'."
ReplyDeleteof all the nerve.
those evil socialists telling kids to take personal responsibility for their lives. where will it end? this is a slippery slope. next thing you know he'll tell them to go to college, too. when will this education thing end? Despite all our attempts to cut education funding, they keep ending up in school...
He saiid dont put shit on Facebook and act right...Good enough
ReplyDeleteI wore an aluminum-foil hat all effing WEEK and I STILL think education is awesome. Dammit!
ReplyDeleteAlso, that spiral picture thingy totally doesn't mix with my drinking habit. Just sayin'.
It's ironic that Mr. Obama is telling kids to take personal responsibility for themselves and yet he tells me that I should be taxed even more to care for all the poor souls who are too stpid to see the value of spending money on healthcare rather than cell phones, internet porn and Rockband.
ReplyDeleteMy students didn't watch it. Because I can't condone that sort of message.
ReplyDeleteOr because I couldn't get my damn computer to play it.
either way, thank god I saved them from someone telling them they had talent. Would have taken years to recover from.
I will personally hunt down and hurt anyone that has the nerve to tell my kid to stay in school and work hard.
ReplyDelete