Live Long and Prosper and Do Your Homework

This is a highly classified transcript of the email transmission I received from Admiral Five Head at 1900 hours on Thursday night:

warning if yo get an email about an old lady in a pet shop DELETE IT IMMEDIAELY!!this may contain a virus so delete it if sent to you.*

End Transmission from
Five Head**
Capt. of U.S.S.Bold
Current Occupation
Star Fleet Command/
United Federation of Planets
Rank:Admiral
Home:1-000-000-0000***
Note:ONLY 3 calls a
week for ensigns


I have no idea why anyone would try to sell an old lady in a pet shop. Everyone knows old lady should be killed and stuffed in the freezer so that their social security checks can be stolen. But in any case, I thought I should do my duty and alert the galaxy to this pressing danger. You're welcome.

*Yes, nerdiness runs in the family.

**He signed his full name here, including the middle one, but you people are sick and I'm not going to tell you my 10-year-old brother's name, except really it's so he doesn't one day disown me for public humiliation. He lives in Arkansas, for christ's sake, I'd say he's already peaked out on the "at risk for stranger danger" bar graph.

***I changed the phone number too, mostly so the Admiral isn't grounded for exceeding his phone call quota.