Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Kanye West Issues Apology After Interrupting Barbara Walters On The Toilet

AP - 1 hour ago

Hollywood, CA - Taylor Swift isn't the only young lady that rapper, Kanye West, embarrassed this week.

According to a police report filed Wednesday, West was scheduled to appear on the Wednesday episode of The View. While he was waiting backstage, West was overheard as saying, "Yo, I done drank too many crystal goblets of strawberry Kool-Aid and gotsta to piss like a motha."

He then used a pistol to shoot open the lock on Barbara Walter's dressing room before entering her private bathroom, knocking her to the floor, and proceeding to "urinate all over the seat", according to witnesses.

Walters suffered minor injuries as a result of the incident but was not taken to the hospital, and with the help of her crew members, she was able to locate her dentures behind the toilet tank and insert them before the show began.

"I hab neber been so insuwted in aww my wife," said an angry Walters to her audience. She said that she wanted her side of the story to be told, so it was important to "get the word owt dere befowe the stowy hits the tabwoids".

"Barbara looked fantastic," said Vanessa Jean King (Long Island) who was in the audience. "I would never have guessed she'd just been assaulted and peed on. Her hair was perfect, and her suit jacket was only a little wet. I couldn't even smell her from my seat."


West, who later apologized for his actions, was taken into custody on charges of assault with a deadly weapon and reckless bladder relieving.

In an unprecedented strategic move, President Barack Obama posted Wests' $5,000 bail. White House spokesperson Robert Gibbs later clarified the President's involvement in the incident. "Mr. Obama's goal is to reach the young people of this country with his message of reform. Kanye West agreed to write and produce an album for the President which will involve a series of customized political rap beats, spoken jazz, and techno brain washing pulses.

Plus, Mr. Obama owed West a 'solid' after calling him a 'jackass' last weekend."

In a statement issued by West's PR firm, the rapper says, "YO PATRICK SWAYZE I KNOW YOU JUST DIED AND ALL ... BUT MICHAEL JACKSON'S DEATH WAS THE BEST ONE THIS YEAR."