Apparently I'm making my co-workers uncomfortable by assigning them personal attendant duties (someone has to wipe my ass, I won't be able to reach it through the layers of taffeta) and detailed instructions for the bridal showers they are responsible for planning (of course I want 10,000 white doves to perform on a tiny stage made of clouds. This IS my ((second)) BRIDAL SHOWER, dammit, and I ((probably)) won't ever be getting married again ((again)).
My girlfriends are begging me to find a project that does not involve researching the different variations of butter cream frosting. Gray is begging me to stop looking at tuxedos (apparently he is opposed to wearing a lavender bowtie, but if there's one with SKULLS on it, hook the brotha up!) and come back to bed, it's 3:00 a.m. for the love of god, who am I planning to marry, the goddamn Man in the Moon?
For some reason, everyone feels I should actually get engaged before they spend any time or money planning my wedding. Selfish, huh?
Because I'm so selfless and giving, I've decided to carry on wedding plans in secret (plans which must involve embezzlement in some form, because CHRIST have you seen how much fucking CAKES cost these days?!), and concentrate my visible energies into choosing new paint colors for the living and dining rooms at Longfellow Deeds.
The color of the walls isn't bad. The problem now is that there are many spots that need to be touched up, and I don't have any of the matching paint to use. Plus, I kind of want a new color scheme that ties the living room, dining room and "eggplant" kitchen together, and that makes the GORGEOUS new tile around the fireplace sizzle. I installed that myself. God, I'm awesome.
The couch is beige.
Clearly, since my midterms, papers, class presentations, job, car trouble, baking, cooking, cleaning and fall yard work aren't enough to keep me busy, I NEED A PROJECT. Painting seems the saftest, although I've also considered making some formal drapes like these.
But...but.....BUT!!! What colors should I choose? Should I tape off the barrel vault and paint the ceiling, or leave the huge mass of OH SO WHITE up there? The rug is about as maroon as a rug can get, as is the front door (kinda), so what to do with those?!
Keep in mind, this house belongs to Veronica, not us. We are forbidden from doing what Gray wants to do, which is to paint every square inch black and then have a muralist recreate a biblical hades scene on the ceiling. If we could somehow work real brimstone into the design, he'd be down with that, but he'll settle for a CD of screams set to "repeat".
Please help me think of options! Or you might wake up tomorrow with a really bad hangover and a brand new, crazy Minnesotan wife.
Yes, I DO realize that's redundant.