Tuesday, November 10, 2009

And Now I'm Drooling

The last time I saw Dr. Crazy Socks, all we talked about was sex. It was awkward. It's a shame that he wasn't wearing penis socks. And now I know what to get him for Christmas.

I'm trying to decide if I want to try Chantix to quit smoking this time. Of the people who have used it, half said it worked and the other half said it made them so nuts that they had to quit taking the meds. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't notice if I got more nuts. Nutsier. Nastier. Wait, are we talking about sex again?

I have a love affair with Subway. I'm like Pavlov's dog for their BLT. I have to plan my drive so I avoid passing the store because if I even think about extra jalapenos and a little bit of mayo...I totally fugue out and the next thing I remember is waking up on the floor of my car with lettuce crumbs and salt and vinegar chips in my shirt. It's not safe, but damn it's good.

I am so excited for the fall semester to end because that means I'll get to read a book FOR PLEASURE. Saying those words aloud is the equivalent of parents saying they get to sleep in late when they're not even hung over AND their kids aren't eating batteries in the other room.

Five Head called on Saturday and spent 30 minutes explaining the intricate differences between series one, two and three of Bakugon. I'm still in a coma from that conversation. Ten-year-old boys are boring.

I got an email from my ex informing me that he went out to dinner with his parents on Friday and who should turn out to be his waitress? MY SISTER. Wow, I bet she was excited about that shit. They caught up and everything was hunky dory, apparently, but I cannot wait to dish with my sis about that little incident.

Also, the ex informed me that he has "found God" which is SO AWESOME because I didn't even realize that god was missing, and since I'm so in the god loop, it probably means most people didn't realize god was missing, and the Pope may have known something was up but he was too busy rolling in piles of gold coins with the naked alter boy to make an announcement to all the Catholics that they should start looking for god, and thus my ex averted a world-wide panic.

Nice work, ex-husband. Nice work. Just wish you would have been able to find your own damn socks when we were married.