Tuesday, November 10, 2009

And Now I'm Drooling

The last time I saw Dr. Crazy Socks, all we talked about was sex. It was awkward. It's a shame that he wasn't wearing penis socks. And now I know what to get him for Christmas.

I'm trying to decide if I want to try Chantix to quit smoking this time. Of the people who have used it, half said it worked and the other half said it made them so nuts that they had to quit taking the meds. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't notice if I got more nuts. Nutsier. Nastier. Wait, are we talking about sex again?

I have a love affair with Subway. I'm like Pavlov's dog for their BLT. I have to plan my drive so I avoid passing the store because if I even think about extra jalapenos and a little bit of mayo...I totally fugue out and the next thing I remember is waking up on the floor of my car with lettuce crumbs and salt and vinegar chips in my shirt. It's not safe, but damn it's good.

I am so excited for the fall semester to end because that means I'll get to read a book FOR PLEASURE. Saying those words aloud is the equivalent of parents saying they get to sleep in late when they're not even hung over AND their kids aren't eating batteries in the other room.

Five Head called on Saturday and spent 30 minutes explaining the intricate differences between series one, two and three of Bakugon. I'm still in a coma from that conversation. Ten-year-old boys are boring.

I got an email from my ex informing me that he went out to dinner with his parents on Friday and who should turn out to be his waitress? MY SISTER. Wow, I bet she was excited about that shit. They caught up and everything was hunky dory, apparently, but I cannot wait to dish with my sis about that little incident.

Also, the ex informed me that he has "found God" which is SO AWESOME because I didn't even realize that god was missing, and since I'm so in the god loop, it probably means most people didn't realize god was missing, and the Pope may have known something was up but he was too busy rolling in piles of gold coins with the naked alter boy to make an announcement to all the Catholics that they should start looking for god, and thus my ex averted a world-wide panic.

Nice work, ex-husband. Nice work. Just wish you would have been able to find your own damn socks when we were married.
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12 comments:

  1. Bird's Eye View PhotographyNovember 10, 2009 7:01 AM

    You have the best random posts that all come together at the end. Love it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. CameronNovember 10, 2009 7:05 AM

    I did Chantix, and it fucking works. One particularly vivid dream I remember was stabbing my sister-in-law in the eyeball with an ice pick. Pent up anger, much?

    Regardless, the shit makes you dislike the effect you feel when you smoke. It goes from, "Ahh, thank Christ for this sphere of yummy goodness," to, "This is fucking gross, it takes like ass."

    I think it's also important to fill the time void that is left when you don't take a smoke break. I turned to food (and gained 60 pounds), but others may find other pasttimes, such as becoming a nympho, cutting, stalking, acquiring an eating disorder, huffing, alcohol, etc. To each their own.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Steph(anie)November 10, 2009 8:20 AM

    The Chantix worked for my husband. And/but he started Prozac at the same time and he had probably needed the Prozac since he was born. He is smoke free 2 years in January, but now he chews tobacco and holy fuck that is disgusting.

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  4. miss. chiefNovember 10, 2009 9:43 AM

    ah, sometimes a nine year old lives in our house and i just kind of nod and go "mm hmm" a lot when the pokemon/star wars/hannah montana crap starts

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  5. SPEAKING FROM THE CRIBNovember 10, 2009 10:22 AM

    ok - use the patch. but just a warning when you stop smoking then you gain like 50 lbs so subway may be even more of a threat. i'm all over their meatball subs. all over.

    my eye still stings from that punch. and my christmas tree looks delightful! DELIGHTFUL!

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  6. nikkiNovember 10, 2009 10:26 AM

    Subway? Really? Have you tried Jimmy Johns?

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  7. AnonymousNovember 10, 2009 10:41 AM

    I tried Chantix and I had a dream my whole family jumped off of a mountain while laughing histerically and I just sat on the ground and cried until they were all dead because although I love my family there was no way I would risk one of them pulling me off too.

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  8. The Peach TartNovember 10, 2009 12:30 PM

    Oh run like hell from anybody who says they've found God. Like was he playing hide and seek and suddenly there's God?

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  9. MicheleNovember 10, 2009 12:43 PM

    Anyone who actually finds God must explain in minute detail how important it is for you to find him also. Regardless of the fact that you would rather find your keys at the bottom of your purse.

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  10. KeelyNovember 11, 2009 6:11 PM

    Wait - you're not supposed to let them eat batteries while you sleep in?

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  11. CaseyNovember 13, 2009 7:37 PM

    I always love when people find that dude. He's like the master at hide and seek but people keep outsmarting him.

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  12. HeatherNovember 19, 2009 10:49 AM

    He still e-mails you? Don't they ever just GO AWAY?

    ReplyDelete

You.Yeah, you. Speak the fuck up.

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