So, I took my first dose of Chantix this morning. The package says it must be taken on a full stomach, in the morning, with a full glass of water. So that means I ate a baked potato at 7:00 a.m. That was fucking weird.
Otherwise, I haven't noticed any side effects. Then again, it's only been 4 hours. There are DAYS left for me to be crazy. Here, read the side effects. They look fun:
Some people have had changes in behavior, hostility, agitation, depressed mood, suicidal thoughts or actions while using CHANTIX to help them quit smoking. Some people had these symptoms when they began taking CHANTIX, and others developed them after several weeks of treatment or after stopping CHANTIX. If you, your family, or caregiver notice agitation, hostility, depression, or changes in behavior, thinking, or mood that are not typical for you, or you develop suicidal thoughts or actions, anxiety, panic, aggression, anger, mania, abnormal sensations, hallucinations, paranoia, or confusion, stop taking CHANTIX and call your doctor right away. Also tell your doctor about any history of depression or other mental health problems before taking CHANTIX, as these symptoms may worsen while taking CHANTIX.
Kind of sounds like I'm ::this:: close from loading up on uranium and taking out a Quaker school full of babies and kittens, huh?
Don't worry about me, though. I have some friends on a "observe and report" mission. I sent them this list of side effects, and told them that if I show up to work barefoot and wielding a baseball bat, BE AFRAID. But if I show up with a flask and no makeup on my face, it's business as usual.
We've also devised an early warning system for their own, personal safety. Each morning, I email them my "Mood Forecast" with either a picture of a happy face or a picture of a frowny face. This is intended to let them know if I'm likely to skin them alive BEFORE they come say good morning.
I'm pretty sure we've covered all the bases, except for the whole "eating inappropriate foods for breakfast like potatoes and Twix bars" thing, which I intend to remedy immediately with beef jerky and Grey Goose.
So really, what could go wrong?
By the way, if you don't hear from me for more than a couple of days, you should probably send over the bomb squad. You know, just in case.
Holy chit! You are taking the wack drug. I'm going to be watching you like a HAWK. Well, you know like a hawk that can only read and evaluate problems from great distances. What? I never said I was a brave hawk.
ReplyDeleteI had every single one of those side effects!
ReplyDeleteWhat, no butter or chives? Jay-zus, you weird...I'm sending over a case of Guinness, that's great on Cheerios.
ReplyDeleteI mean, we wouldn't want you to be weird, right?
Good luck and godspeed, lass :)
So, are you saying that baked potatoes are not for breakfast? In my house, we eat fish for breakfast once or twice a week. Sounds gross -but it is so good!
ReplyDeleteYou might want to stay away from hardware stores for a few days.
Woah, baked potatoes for breakfast sounds like the perfect meal. Good luck with the pukiness, it'll go away after the first week or so. ;)
ReplyDeleteOh goodness, if this works you'll have to send me the exact doses of everything you're on so I can try it. LAWL.
ReplyDeleteDid you get a new header? I like!
I shall dial 9-1- and be at the ready in case you start doing anything untoward....
ReplyDeleteWait, I thought this was an anti-crazy drug at first. But it's anti-smoking, I see.
ReplyDeleteCancer is worse than crazy, though, I guess. So it'll even out. In the end. Hopefully.
Fuck that! I'd get those side effects just reading about the possibility of getting them! Talk about knocking you when your down! Somebody once suggested to me that I should eat lots of carrots if I ever decided to give up smoking...bollox! I don't wanna be a temperamental orange munchkin!!
ReplyDeleteI hope it's not too bad! Good luck! I quit smoking in January and in the past 11 months I've only "bummed" a smoke twice. Once was at a funeral, so I personally don't think that should count. The other time, well I was just drunk so it totally counts. ;)
ReplyDeleteKeep up the good work!