Wednesday, September 29, 2010

We'll Name Him Thomas.

We close on our house tomorrow. Like. TOMORROW.

Can I just take a moment here to scream IT'S ABOUT MOTHERFUCKING TIME, UNIVERSE!

Because wow, houses are hard to buy, ya'll. Did you know that?

The first time I bought a house, I seem to remember it going something like, "Hmm so you want a house? Okay, here are the keys. Don't forget to pay your mortgage." Although when I stop and throw my mind back to several dozens of cases of wine ago, I remember that it wasn't that simple because the house was about to go to police auction and the sellers were an estranged couple who couldn't agree on anything and my ex was "self-employed" and we had to move out of our rental house on June 1st whether we had somewhere to live or not because our landlord hated our guts (might it have been the two illicit dogs we owned?) so buying my first house was quite a stressful experience, but the impression it left in my memory was only that of HAVING.MY.HOUSE. which, ironically, is how Gray and I met in the first place because he lived next door.

So I guess I can expect to meet my future husband tomorrow.

But also, it leads me to believe that buying a house must be a lot like having a baby (stay with me here, moms...) in that it's a stressful time, but exciting, and full of scary, life-changing decisions, and it's expensive like whoa, and then after it's over they send you off with a key and this massive responsibility, like, here, go ahead and take care of this thing and if you need any help don't call us, just google it, oh and try not to drop it, and you're stumbling around with bleary eyes and bruised shins and possibly a vagina full of stitches, and your first night at home there are all these weird sounds and you're afraid your house is suffocating in its crib, but then morning comes and you realize, "Holy shit, Gray, we DID it. We bought this house and it's OURS. Look, it has your eyes."

And then pretty soon you forget the stress and the pain and all you're left with is a hemorrhaging wallet and the pride of knowing that you've done gone and did something for your family.