Friday, May 27, 2011

Yin and yang and ooh, pretty, shiny!

So I kind of forgot that we're trying to get pregnant because I'm all distracted by shiny things, like a raccoon.

Except "shiny things" are bi-sexual black boys and Craigslist and giant, inflatable elephants. And stuff.

This is a perfect example of my self-diagnosed ADD, really, because one minute I'm obsessed - OBFUCKINGSESSED - with cervical mucus and ovulation windows and birthing plans...but then I get my period and so I have a cocktail and that reminds me I need to groom Scary's fur which reminds me I'm growing a mullet which reminds me I need to transplant my vegetable seedlings so they can grow which reminds me I need to call the hot weed guy to kill our dandelions which reminds me of a house cat I saw that looks like a cross between a lion and a bush baby which reminds me to trim my cooter hair which reminds me I haven't masturbated in a week which reminds me my vibrator needs batteries which reminds me I need to fix the power to the air conditioner which reminds me we have company coming tomorrow which results in a frantic, last-minute search for beds which actually FIT into our tiny, vintage home, which reminds me we need to get quotes for replacement windows, which reminds me I need a second job because WE ARE BUYING THIRTY REPLACEMENT WINDOWS which reminds me I forgot to google my next baby window.

Oh yeah, we're trying to get pregnant.

Gray is ADD in an entirely different way. Like rent-a-jack-hammer-and-bust-up-the-concrete-in-one-of-the-two-former-clothes-line-post-holes-then-return-the-jack-hammer-because-he-forgot-the-second-clothes-line-post-hole-full-of-concrete. That kind of way.

He also didn't notice the giant purple and yellow dinosaur sand box in our yard (despite several trips from the garage to the house and back) until I pointed it out to him.

It's like I'm a meth head and he's a burnout. Which might lead to some very incompatible sex. Which reminds me, we're trying to get pregnant.

I wonder if he noticed?

PS - It really does look like a tiger/bush baby hybrid!