Friday, June 17, 2011

It could go either way

As of this moment, I am either pregnant or I am not pregnant. Crazy thought, huh, being one or the other? Because isn't that exactly what all human beings are at any given time? I am the first one ever.

It's hard to say which way the cookie will crumble, thanks to last month's royal fuck of a wonky 31-day cycle, which completely threw off my ovulation window calculations, thanks very much, Mrs. Testy Vagina & Co.

So my period is due today but has not started, which last month would have had me all twitterpated and poking my boobs to see if they're tender until I bruised them and actually MADE them tender. This month, I'm not sure that anything short of a fetus leg falling out of my coot would convince me I'm knocked up.

It is exactly such unexplainable swings in my moods from scary-obsessed to mildly blasé at most that has me scrambling to meet with Dr. Crazy Socks on Monday.