Wednesday, June 15, 2011

The not-even-kind-of-a-post Post

::Just a warning, ya'll. Don't attempt this at home unless you're ready for your skin to crawl for the rest of the day::

I was in the mood for something cute and furry, and not even to eat this time, so I googled "cute animals" and some sick motherfuckers thought it would be funny to mess with my already perilously teetery sanity and include lots and lots of photos of spiders.  And now I know that my theory is correct, that the internet is the devil, because not only is there no way that any sane human being would consider a tarantula "cute" but also...they aren't even fucking animals, people! THEY ARE ARACHNIDS. Or the devil himself, depending on how paranoid you are, personally.  

Also, I stole all of these photos and I would have stolen all of the animals, except my bathtub is already full of the baby robins I've collected. Because I thought you should know.

"Oh, hai. I can haz eyeballs. Keep Angel Butt far, far away from me."

I'm sure Maury would have to disagree, Sir.

Until this photo, I didn't know it was possible for a human mammal to spontaneously ovulate via artiodactyl mammal stimulation. Consider me learned. I want one to carry around in my pocket.

Ah, the ole "smell my feet" bit...I used to do this to my sister: convince her they smelled either like strawberries, or - if I was feeling very fruity - cherries. She fell for it every time, consecutive sniff or otherwise. WTG, monkey mama. I applaud you.

You know that evil kitten is thinking, "What is it and how fast could I eat it?"

At least SOMEONE will eat oatmeal cookies.

Think I could rent one of these for my necklaces?

This one is mine...Lily is sheepishly avoiding her reckoning after shredding yet another $50,000 diaper. "What, mama? It was touching my private parts!"