Monday, August 22, 2011

All right, all right. I get it. I'm weird.

People keep giving me random, awesome shit.

For example, I keep a bowl of candy in my office to lure unsuspecting flies into my personal paperwork hell. I sometimes take requests for specific types of candy, or if I overhear someone talking about some they like, I'll look for it. One guy loves Warheads, those little sour hard candies, but I couldn't find them, like, ANYWHERE. I was beginning to think they weren't being made anymore.

Someone heard my Warhead dilemma, and said, "Don't worry, I gotcha." I assumed that meant he knew where to buy a bag of them, but a couple days later, a giant package was delivered to the office with my name on it. I had a moment of panicking, thinking maybe I'd drunken ordered a sex swing and mistakenly shipped it to work instead of home. Then I panicked again, wondering how the hell to assemble a sex swing.

Turns out, it was a giant case of Warheads, shipped from New Jersey.

Another friend of mine, who happened to give us the best wedding gift of all (a framed, autographed Lamb of God album) knows I love spicy food. He does too. Every so often, he just shows up with habanero kettle chips or spicy sardines or hot chili flavored Ramen. Once, he even gave me a jar of pickled eggs, but that is decaying in my kitchen cabinet. I AM AFRAID OF PICKLE-CHICKEN HYBRIDS.

Last week, a friend walked into my office and said, "Oh, I was just at Target and I saw these and I just HAD to get them for you's just too perfect. You had to have them."

These really are the most appropriate note cards I've ever gotten. People see the word "crazy" and they think "CAT!"
Another co-worker was at the dollar store and saw this Wooly Willy. He thought it was something I needed to have, which is true, because I REALLY needed a wooly willy that day.
This thing turns out to be a bigger draw than the candy bowl. People are sitting down to draw metallic mustaches ALL DAY LONG, and now I just realized why Klout says I'm influential about "mustaches." It makes perfect sense.
Aaaaand then there's the giant rubber band. Totally not that exciting, right? WRONG. People love this fucking thing, and let me tell you, it gets some serious air around the office. It can go halfway down the hallway, no problem. Again, this was something a friend saw and said, "Catherine. She can haz giant rubber bandzzzz."

Nobody seems to realize that what I REALLY need is a motherfucking unicorn.