Earpanties. Wet ones.

Another thing about my freakshow cousin is that he's always handing me new music. Every other sentence out of his mouth is, "Ya heard the band ---fill in the blank---?"

How he hears this shit in the first place is beyond me - apparently I need to get out more - but holy christ. Everytime he sends me something (like Job For a Cowboy [LUHV, though a bit heavier than my tastes usually run] and Horse the Band) my heart gets all...flustery.

The flustery feeling is part eargasm, part guilt for not knowing about the awesomeness already.

Because seriously, how could I not have heard of Skrillex before? He was just fucking here in Minneapolis last month. And I missed that shit.

I had no idea how to describe this genre of music when I heard it the first time. My cousin was all...oh, it's...shit, I forgot what he said. He explained it with a lot of words that I've never heard used together before.

Then a guy I met at the San Diego airport bar tried to explain it to me (probably in sympathy of my mangled hand) by waxing poetic about the mix of genres that comprise music like Skrillex, and I was all: "DUDE. Blood. I'm blood-ing all over. I cannot remember this shit."

So he wrote down some stuff on a receipt like "dub step" and "house music" and gave me some other bands to check out, like Widespread Panic and Rick Preston.

And I was like: "Great, so now there are a MILLION bands/people in a genre I don't understand or remember. Awesome."

Although I will say neither of those others sound quite like Skrillex. I want to use this guy's hair as a toothbrush.








Then there's this other band I'd never heard of before, and my cousin was all, "YOUR EAR PANTIES! THEY WILL BE WET!"

Which, frankly, is one of the most interesting things that anyone has ever said to me, and then he started playing this song (below) and it was super jazzy and intricate and I almost said, "Doode, my dad would love this shit!" because my dad plays some mad guitar, but then around the 50 second mark, I was super glad I hadn't said that out loud because FUCK.

No, no he wouldn't like it at all. But I fucking DO.



PSYOPHUS!!! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY LIFE!??!?!

Apparently they're "mathcore" style, which...mathcore...dub step...does anyone else think they're just making shit up now? Ima start calling Coldplay's style "suicide core step."

Lastly, I met a dude who swears he-a-be mad famous someday, and since I don't like hiphop music but he convinced me to buy not one, but two of his CDs...I'd say there's a good chance. Say olah to A.P.P.L.E. M.A.R.T.I.N.I. (an acronym which stands for something super enlightening about power to the people and death to ignorance or something, but I can't remember what the fuck it was).

If you end up famous man, I better get an actual apple martini. Just sayin.

Clearly, music is better in California.