Friday, September 02, 2011

Selfish-less-ness: The Sequel

I've had the best morning ever, and I'm not even drunk.

Remember waaaaay back when I wrote about selfish-less-ness? Of course you don't, you drunken whores. For those few who do, I think about my grandparent's story every once in a while and I was startled today when I searched for it and realized I wrote that post nearly three years ago. It was one of my first posts, actually, because this shit-for-brains blog has only been around for three years (this Sunday).

I try to be kind to strangers as much as possible, when I'm not flipping them off and blowing smoke in their children's faces, but it's been a while since I've done the whole Pay It Forward routine. I've bought drinks or dinner here and there, and that has been done for me as well, but nothing involving complete strangers and without the guarantee of a sincere thank you in return. I simply haven't been out buying designer coffee lately because, well, I CAN'T TASTE IT, so seriously you could shit in a blender and add some milk and pour it into a cup and I wouldn't know the difference. Starbucks seems a bit of a waste in the face of that.

One thing I have done recently is commend several parents on the exceptional behavior and politeness of their children because it's rare that you find a young girl who is eager to hold open the restroom door for you for no reason whatsoever other than because she knows it's a kind thing to do.

I've done a few generous things for others lately, but since this is more of a family-friendly post, I'll neglect to mention those things now.

This morning, I was in a drive thu grabbing an ill-advised breakfast and chiding myself for eating such crap, when I overheard a woman in the Jeep ahead of me say, "And there's a white car behind me. I'll get hers." I recognized the gesture immediately and realized it's the first time a stranger has paid for my order.

A smile stormed my face, and I decided I should pay it forward to the car behind me as well. I double-checked my wallet and decided that even if the woman behind me was ordering quite a bit, I could swing it. Good deeds! They are happening! Woo hoo!

So as I sat in line waiting to pay, grinning like a mad man, I investigated a lump in the tiny zipper on the outside of my wallet and found...wait for it...ONE HUNDRED FUCKING DOLLARS I FORGOT I HAD. There is no telling how long the cash had been there - seriously, I've been paying for gas with quarters all week long - and I honestly have no memory of putting the money in there.

I don't believe in karma, like, AT ALL, but jesus christ. That was a happy fucking surprise. And the stranger behind me...her order was only $1.07.

The moral of the story is that you, too, should prevent forest fires. Or maybe just buy a coffee for the guy behind you, even when you're low on cash.

You never know...the secret wallet compartment fairy may find you, too.