Thursday, June 11, 2009

Smoreguessboard

Angel Butt, in the bathtub playing with her toys when it's time to dry off and get ready for bed: "NO! Play toys! No bed!"

Me: "You can take a bath tomorrow, but right now it's time to dry off and sit on the potty!" I pull the plug in the tub, and it makes a violent sucking sound, like the drain is hungry for blood.

Angel Butt: "NO! NO TOYS!" She frantically shoves each of her bath toys behind her body, eyeing the drain as it sucks and swirls. She looks at me, pleading with her eyes.

Me: "It's okay, your toys are too big. They won't go down the drain."

Angel Butt: "No water, no!" Try as she might, the pull of the drain is too strong and she isn't big enough to block all of her toys from advancing towards the whirling tide. In a fit of desperation, she begins stacking each toy on the side of the tub, out of harms way, working feverishly and glancing at me with frightened eyes.

Me: "Good idea, love. The toys will be safe up here." The water has now all drained from the tub, and she sits staring at the few toys left clustered around the silent drain.

Angel Butt: "Bye bye, water! See you later!" Grinning, she stands and extends her arms towards the waiting towel.

***

I am a sad, pathetic nerd. I googled "Forks, Washington" and squealed with glee when I saw it was a real place on Google maps. And La Push. And Port Angeles.

I'm going to go weep for my pride now.

***

Today is birthday party #3 of the Ark-Invasion (like the British Invasion, but with fewer shoes) and I'm pretty sure that Angel Butt is going to associate Minnesota with Birthdays forever going forward, and will always be disappointed by the lack of trick candles and chocolate cake on future visits.

***

I was hoping my mother would forget all about her request, but last night as I kissed all of the family goodnight and walked towards the safety of my bedroom, I heard her call after me, "Maybe TOMORROW you can help me set up my Facebook page..." I pretended I didn't speak English.

16 comments:

  1. LOL poor your mom lol. Angel Butt cracks me up! Little kids rule, but ONLY when they go home w/ their parents at the end of the day! lol

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  2. HAhah, this facebook thing. YIKES!

    and yes, you are true nerd for your google-mapping expedition. LOL.

    Glad you're still seemingly good and happy amidst all the familyness. Those must be some GOOD drugs! :)

    Love ya.

    *off to google maps to look up La Push*

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  3. Google mapping Forks... brilliant. What did you end up thinking about all the books?

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  4. Do you think she bought it? The part about you not speaking English?

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  5. You're not going to Friend her are you? The language barrier would clearly be too much I'm sure

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  6. Must NOT friend your mother on facebook. If possible, tell her that you don't want to mix areas of your life. You're all grown up and you're not socially obligated to please your mom. She may hate you. But someday she'll be really old and come crawling back because she'll need nursing care. See how it all works out?

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  7. That is such a cute story about the bathtub and the water and toys situation. :) Made me smile.

    Don't feel too bad, I googled Forks, WA too when I was reading Twlight...

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  8. I thank every day my mother 'puts off' getting a computer!!! :):):)

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  9. Did you say "no speaka da english?" ha ha ah ah ah!

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  10. My mother has a facebook page... *sigh* how do you NOT aprove them as a friend...

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  11. Maybe you can make up a fake Facebook?

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  12. I was in Forks last summer. Not even joking. It's beautiful. One of my sister-in-law's friends was a Twilight enthusiast. I sort of rolled my eyes until I became vampire-curious and broke down to read all the books. Now I'm kicking myself for not going on the Fork's tour.

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  13. Very smart protecting her toys from the evil drains. I let Graham watch The Backyardigans for the first time yesterday and there was a whirlpool on there that freaked him the F out. I had to fast forward through it, maybe he was reminded of his toys going down the drain in the tub or something..

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You.Yeah, you. Speak the fuck up.