Thursday, July 30, 2009

I Guess, If You Insist, I COULD Use A New Candle Holder...

Oooh boy am I tired, but I'm pretty damn sure we're, like, 95% ready for the (hopefully!) onslaught of friends and family who will (fingers crossed!) descend upon the house for our HOUSEWARMING BBQ! at 7:00 tomorrow night.

I've had to explain several times that we are renting, we didn't exactly buy this place, so technically it's a little strange to be "warming" someone else's house, and please don't buy us presents because technically we didn't really accomplish anything other than lifting all our possessions and transporting them to another zip code, so if you buy me a toaster, it's going to make me uncomfortable, but we've been cooped up in an apartment for so long, cramped in a space with no outdoor access, no means of barbecuing for crowds, no feasible way to host a large number of people...so we said FUCK IT!

We don't own this place, but we sure as hell are rockin' it at the moment, and we have worked hard the last month ripping out the overgrowth in the yard and scrubbing the house down and polishing it up and making it our own. It's party time, if you ask me.

I'm a little bit worried because I suffer from a lingering, sophomoric "nobody likes me" syndrome, so I've got this anxiety about having purchased way too much money's worth of food and incoming hangover from hell's worth of booze; about having spent so many hours planning this party that should have been spent recovering from my cold. If nobody shows up tomorrow night and forces Gray and I to beat the holy hell out of our little pinata by our sad, lonely selves...well I just might die.

Last summer, I planned a girls' night at the apartment - a Sex & the City party, if you will - complete with cosmopolitans and fancy little appetizers that must be purchased and consumed in bulk if there is any hope of staving off hunger. I bought an official SATC "I'm With Mr. Big" t-shirt. I bought the SATC dvd. I invited every friend that I have in the world that is dickless. I was SO PUMPED.

And then everyone cancelled at the last minute. And my "last minute", I mean all the food was ready to roll and the dvd was in the damn player, all queued up and practically begging to be watched. And Gray was headed out the door to do his pre-arranged manly things.

My Jill showed up for a half an hour, but she had been busting her ass doing yard work all weekend and was sore and tired and headache-y, so she left. And I spent the rest of the night pouting and re-living my 7th grade birthday party FAIL, and Gray spent the rest of the night fuming. I believe he even posted a largely passive-aggressive Facebook status, something about when people say they'll be attending a function, then he damn well expects them to show up.

So this time I'm hoping to spare everyone the shame of thinking possibly he's talking directly to THEM when he puts an angry face on his profile. I'm hoping we have an enormous turnout and that we nearly run out of beer and that the bonfire burns so long and hot that Gray ends up having to cut down a neighbor's tree simply to keep the party going.

I've always kind of wanted to see him in handcuffs.

13 comments:

  1. I'm so there. IF the house you rented is down the street from me, that is. if not, then, sorry, I can't make it on account of laziness. But you are welcome to my share of the beer and guacamole.

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  2. ug. My worst nightmare. Which is why I only have loser friends who WANT to do stuff because no one showed up to their party.

    And also why I never hold parties.

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  3. I would be there in a heartbeat!!!!!!!! I can't wait to hear how amazing it was and how jealous everyone is of your cool new digs, rented or not! ;)

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  4. Have a rockin' party Cat!

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  5. i don't who in their right mind could resist a bbq with drinks, food, AND a pinata?! that's the kind of party that people would crash and no one would care. have fun!!

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  6. dude, if i was close i'd totally be there. i can't resist pinatas.

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  7. I love throwing parties. It's even fun when people come. Otherwise I just have a good time with the people who live in my head and more booze for me!

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  8. I hear he isn't very good at wielding a chain saw.

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  9. Happy housewarming party! Have fun sweet cheeks!

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  10. FIRST of all. If you EVER again have a Sex in the City party with food, t-shirts and cosmos, I am coming. (As long is it is not in the winter. I have heard bad things about your winters).

    Second of all, as a person who has never lived in a house (a 600 sq. foot guest house does not count), who the fuck cares if you are renting. A house is a BIG deal. You did YARDWORK.

    So cool.

    Have fun!!

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  11. Well I spent the last several days watching old SATC episodes on HOD so if you ever rethrow that party, I'm in. By the time I got around to reading this, you're party was over so I hope it was a blast. Actually, it's only 11:40 so here's hoping it's still in full-swing. Have a beer for me. Bud Lite, please. Bottle, not can.

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  12. Happy New Rental Home Party!! I say take the shit people want to buy you and enjoy it. Which reminds me, I need to invent a monumental occasion to get presents. Ummm, happy 7 years at your job party? Happy you finally got 8 hours of sleep party? Maybe.

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  13. Wait, you've never seen Gray in handcuffs? Wha-HUH?!?! ;-)

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