Well, there appears to be some kind of bizarre shirt-stealing conspiracy going down in our apartment. Gray has four or five work shirts which are part of a uniform and have our employer's logo stitched on them. They're ugly as hell, but everyone has to wear them (NOT ME! I WEAR JEANS! and sometimes, a bra).
Last week, Gray asked if I had seen any of his shirts. I had not. He said that all but two of them were missing. He'd been wearing the same one for multiple days, and had one more that was too small and missing buttons. We searched high and low for the missing shirts, but to no avail. I did laundry on Sunday (I KNOW! you can hardly believe it) but none of the missing shirts surfaced. Gray checked for them in his work locker, his truck, the floor of his closet...no missing shirts. So he went to work and got a couple new ones.
All of a sudden, two of the missing shirts were just hanging there in his closet, like "Hey, here we are. gotcha! Bet you thought we were on a plane to Aruba by now." WHAT. THE. HELL. I'm pretty sure Gray thinks I was messing with him, hiding them or something, but if he had smelled his own armpits last week, he'd know I played no hand in the creation of that stench. So where did those shirts come from? We have no idea.
Are closet trolls common? I know socks disappear all the time, but those trolls are contained in the dryer. THESE trolls are living in my closet. I wonder if I could convince them to take some of his god damned Metallica t-shirts? I would totally leave them a sock for their trouble.
I'll take the Metallica shirts, they rock! I don't know the answer to the mystery but it happens here with my shoes.
ReplyDeleteMaybe they just turn invisible periodically. You should keep a video camera in the closet just in case.
ReplyDeleteYou and Gray should start searching high and low for your jacket with the $5000 in the pocket...Trolls are dumb, right? I mean, they had Gray's stinky work shirts, so maybe you could fool them into slipping you some cash......
ReplyDeleteIt happens with my shoes all the time!! And a couple of my shirts. Though they've never returned....
ReplyDeleteFind a priest. The time has come to exorcise these demons from your life.
ReplyDeleteAfter all, most of the Catholic Priests I know are still in the closet so they shouldn't have too much trouble empathizing.
Hey, I had the same thing happen with my vibrator once. Missing right out of my closet. Who breaks in to steal a vibrator? Honey, if you need it that bad, TAKE it. I don't want it back now, though.
ReplyDeleteCongrats on finally doing the laundry. Don't you feel better now?
ReplyDeleteThat's kinda creepy..
ReplyDeleteI hate when things like that happen cuz then it spooks me out - ONLY because I know there's no way ever that I could've overlooked the shirts before. ha ha ha!
I'm a new reader and loving your blog!
ReplyDeleteIn high school, my dad used to always complain that his work shirts were missing. Little did he know that when he went out of town for the weekend, we would throw a huge party at my house and my guy friends would end up stealing shirts right out of his closet to wear to church!
Is this the potential problem? Is someone throwing parties at your house while you are away?
This happens to me all the time. Black shirts and bras usually. I still can't find the damn bra and wonder if the creepy watcher-man across the hall is wearing it while he watches me walk from my garage to the building. Black shirts (of all styles, trolls don't care if it's a tank or a mock turtle neck) disappear for weeks at a time and then surface at the top of a laundry basket. I just don't get it. But I always rewash them.
ReplyDelete