Sunday, November 16, 2008


Hey, you out there! Lurkers! Yeah, you. Dawne. Tolz. You know who you are. Hi. How are you? I like your shoes. Can I borrow them? Awesome thanks. Feel free to comment, really, I won't bite. It's the interweb. I can't bite, I tried.

I'm obsessed with checking my email right now. It's ridiculous. I sit there and click the "check mail" button over and over, just thinking maybe, in the last 3 seconds, someone might have sent me an email and I DON'T WANT TO MISS IT. Apparently I'm lonely. Or pathetic. Actually, those two go hand in hand, don't they? Hmm. Must consider over a bottle of wine or two whilst talking to myself and picking lint from my toes.

Am I the only who...?

...taps my toes when I go over a seam in the asphalt of the road, and when I pass telephone poles? You know, like either tap one foot just as I'm going past them, or one foot on just before and one foot just after, sort of like a straddle tap?

...has to sit lined up with things? Like on the bench where we smoke outside our building, we face the fence that surrounds the swimming pool, and I have to sit on the bench so I'm smack dab in between the main support posts of the fence. Otherwise I feel off kilter.

...has to straighten picture frames everywhere I go? Wish it were socially acceptable to carry a little level with me for this purpose?

...flosses my teeth obsessively, but not the bottom molars because I always bleed when I floss those? Offer tooth floss to guests after we've eaten?

...has to wash up in the shower in the exact same sequence every day, or I feel like I need to re-shower? Face, shampoo, conditioner, body (neck to feet direction), shave, rinse conditioner, re-rinse everything else, and flip my hair like a dog?

...hates talking on the phone more than anything else on earth? Hates checking my voice mail because it might result in having to talk on the phone?

...can't have wet hair touch my neck or back without getting skeeved out, and so must dress with a towel on my head?



Anyhow, this is my Sunday post. I'm writing it Friday because, well, you never know what might happen to prevent me from posting. I could be swallowed by a whale, or kidnapped by the Russians. Or I could spend all day in bed watching the same episodes of Friends over and over, and pretending like they're talking to me when they say, "I'll be there for you."

I've come too far with this NaBlowMePo to give up now. I can leave nothing to chance. I NEED that badge for my sidebar, the one that says I Survived NaBloPoMo. Why? Eh, I take any validation I can get. You know those ribbons they give out to children, even the losers, because they want them all to feel like winners? Yeah, they always ran out of them before they got to me. I have the worst luck! Gawd.