Monday, November 17, 2008

My Dumb Ass, et al

All you peeps who comment on my posts and don't hear back from me? Yeah, that's because I'm a moron. I just realized that I've been replying to noreply[at]blogger[dot]com for, like, months. So, yeah. Whatever your comment was, imagine the most witty, intelligent response I could have sent you...and that's what I sent. I swear! I did not send you naked pictures of myself! (unless you both received, and enjoyed said pictures, in which case: you're welcome.)

And now I'm wondering...stay with me here...do those who log into blogger have real email addresses to reply to, and those who comment as guest users...automatically send the no reply email? Could that explain the discrepancy? Because some of your comments come equipped with actual, real, human email addresses and some come with the no reply address. No me understandy.

Obviously, I'm clueless. And not just on this subject. Ask me about the stock market if you'd like that point to be illustrated.

Another thing I don't quite understand...what's with the "I'm first!!!" comments? Is there some kind of competition that I am unaware of? OMG ARE THERE PRIZES? Someone please tell me if there are prizes, because I will SO jump on that gravy train. These fingers, they are speedy.

There's got to be some kind of motivation because people seem to stalk blogs (not mine, don't be fooled, this only happens on OTHER blogs), see a new post, and rush to say that they're first, even though they're not really first because they also say, "Ok, going to read the post now, BRB". So they stalk the blog, then they pounce to be first commenter, having not read the post at all, then they come back and comment on the post, after which they are no longer first.

Shouldn't the prize be awarded to the stalker who both reads the post and then comments first? Yes, I think I should head up some kind of Ethics in Commenting committee. We could meet once a year and eat Skittles. Open bar, of course. OOH! There could be MEMOS!

I guess I just don't understand. Is it like being the first to use a new roll of toilet paper? Because that sort of sucks, what with the whole glued down section you must grapple with. How about being first to try my home made stir fry? Because that guy died. Hmm. Maybe it's like being the first to walk on the moon? No, can't be due to the available gravity and oxygen and stuff.

Well, whatever. I'm going to start leaving the "I'm first" comments regardless of how many have beaten me. Just to see if anyone notices. I might confuse the blogger, causing them to send me the Grand Prize by mistake, in which case I'll have beaten the system.

Wait, would that disqualify me from chairing the Ethics in Commenting committee? Shit!