Sunday, January 11, 2009

And Now I Remember Why I Quit Running

I completely blocked this little gem out of my memory, but as it's slowly taking back over my life, I've had one of those deja vu, holy shit that's right I totally remember this happening last time! epiphanies. Didn't I once hear that exercising gives you increased energy? Didn't someone tell me that once, oh, like the surgeon general (which, is anyone else freaked out by that title? Is he some kind of military guy who walks around with a scalpel and demands that the American public do as he says, or he'll cut us like commies?) or my health teacher, or every single magazine article ever written for women?

Yeah, I don't know what the hell they're talking about because running makes me MORE tired. Like, fall asleep on the couch at 7:30 on a Saturday night and sleep until 10:00 a.m. the next morning, and still feel like I've been hit by a bus. That kind of tired. I seem to recall now that part of the reason I quit running last spring was because any time my friends would call to see if I wanted to hang, I'd be asleep. Any time Gray and I had a romantic night in planned, I'd be asleep LONG before any romance might occur. When I'm running regularly, it's like the Sand Man drops by at 6:45 and starts pouring his mojo into my eyes until I'm completely unable to hold them open for a moment longer. As if my normal bed time of 9:00 isn't fucking early enough as it is.

Any of you runners out there know how to combat the fatigue? Or is my body the only one that reacts this way to regular exercise? Are the rest of you all out there hopping around like wind-up toys on crack? WHAT DO I DO? I don't want to sleep my life away, I really don't.

Also...a strange phenomenon I've experienced twice now after a run: the very strong smell of chemicals, seeming stuffed UP my nose, where I can't escape from it. The first time it happened, I was all the way home from the track and in the shower trying to get the sweat off before it results in even more backne explosions. I was nearly bowled over by this really strong CHEMICAL smell, like what I might imagine chloroform might smell like, and I was panicked that maybe I'd sprayed down the tub with skin-eroding bleach cleaners and just forgotten to wash them off before getting in the shower. But I hadn't, and after a few minutes, the smell went away.

Yesterday, I got the chemical smell in my nose DURING my cool-down laps at the track. That's when I realized it must somehow be associated with the running. So now I'm certain that Baby Jesus doesn't want me to have a smokin' hot body for summer, and he's trying to kill me by smothering me with chemicals. He'd never get caught, he's invisible. He sent the Holy Ghost to off me.

So. You runners out there: Any idea what I'm going through here? Or should I just go consult my shrink directly?