Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Is It Just Me? Or Was It a Bad Day?

Maybe what I consider a "bad day", other people are shrugging off as normal. Average. Not so bad, quit whining you whiny little whiner. This is really the only explanation I can come up with for why I have such bad luck and such bad timing and such really fucking bad days. I put good karma out there in the world. I over tip. I smile and say hello. I hold open doors. I let cars in front of me in parking lots. I go out of my way to be helpful to people at work. I always say please and thank you. I bought those re-usable Trader Joe's bags for grocery shopping. I never remember to take them into the store, but still...it SHOULD be the thought that counts, right?

So why is it that I keep having the Ultimate Days from Hell? Repeatedly. Is it really not enough that my fetus died 3 months ago? Do I REALLY need this shit on a regular basis? Am I being taught some kind of horrible lesson about how life sucks and then you die? Because I kind of already know that. I'm an accountant.

Yesterday morning, I woke up around 4:15 and was unable to return to slumber due to a Killer Kombo of menstrual cramps and giant tonsils. My throat inexplicably felt like I'd swallowed glass, and I wanted to scrape my fucking uterus with my damn fingernails just to get it all over with already, jesus christ that shit hurts. (I should mention, I'm still getting used to having a period, as for the previous 8 years I've been a suppressor. Now I remember why.)

So I'm laying there in pain, cursing my alarm clock as it advanced slowly but purposefully toward the Dreaded Time when it would alert me to the fact that I have work to do! Get up! For a moment, I nearly dozed off....

.....MOWMOWMOWMOWMOWMOWMOWMOWMOWMOWMOWMOWMOWMOWMOW....

Fire alarms. At 5:00 a.m. Loud ones. We rolled out of bed and I stuck my head into the apartment hallway (forgetting to test the door knob for heat and stuff) to check it out. Nothing. Nobody standing in the hallway, no smoke, no fire. Just loud, loud alarms. Definitely too loud to sleep through, and most definitely too loud to watch television. Loud, loud alarms.

For 30 minutes.

Eventually, the firemen cleared the building (they never checked MY apartment, what if I'd been on fire in there?) and they shut off the alarms. Gray went back to bed. Bastard. I got in the shower and headed to work.

In the car on the way to work, I happened to catch the weather report. It informed me that there would be snow. Several inches of it. Followed by several days with highs below zero. I didn't really think much of it, though. Until later in the morning, when I realized I had my first creative writing class at 6:00. In St. Paul. 32 miles away, in the snow, in rush hour traffic. FUCKITY.

During the course of the day, my tonsils continued to throb and they were joined by sneezing and yet ANOTHER new cold sore (had one last week)((thanks Dad)). Then my top lip just kind of...split, presumably from the cold, dry air. Because my bleeding hands aren't enough torture.

At 3:00, I checked the university's website for any class cancellations: there were none. Many area schools were closed, but none of the colleges. That was ok! I was EXCITED to go to creative writing. I was looking forward to a class for the first time! I didn't want class to be cancelled! I wanted to go! Write!!

So I headed out at 4:00 for St. Paul. The roads were just this side of passable. There wasn't even really that much new snow - maybe 4 inches - but it was still sloppy and extremely slippery. There was bumper-to-bumper traffic during a time of day which wouldn't normally see any traffic at all.

But it was all good! I had snacks! I was prepared! I could let the stress of driving across two metros roll right off my back because I! Was! Ready! and I figured that since I expected it to be a slow drive, that I'd just...chill. Listen to the radio. Get pumped up about class.

I'm not sure that my speed ever exceeded 5mph during the first 90 minutes of the drive. I literally rolled my way from Shakopee to St. Louis Park. And then, for a moment on highway 394, it looked like the traffic had cleared! I was driving 25 miles an hour! I was practically at warp speed! I was going to make it to class no more than 10 minutes late!

Then, out of nowhere, back to 5mph. I rolled all the way to St. Paul. And got to class at 7:15. THAT'S RIGHT. It took me OVER THREE HOURS to drive 32.17 miles.

Which meant I was exactly 1 hour and 15 minutes late to class. My professor? NOT COOL about it. I got marked as "tardy" like a little fucking kid. It was mortifying. Never mind that two people showed up after me, we were all delinquent little tardy fuckers. I'm pretty sure this professor gets around by flying on his magic fart dust, because he had no concept of weather and traffic and road conditions. Wasn't his fault it took me 3 hours to get to class, I should have left work early, apparently.

The best part? He cancelled class for NEXT Monday. Because of Martin Luther King Jr Day. Because THAT? Is an emergency worth cancelling class over. We NEVER SAW IT COMING, that holiday. We don't know WHAT hit us, but we certainly can't be expected to make it to class that day. It's MLK Jr. Day.

And I'm sure I'll be able to report that next Monday, when I don't have to drive to St. Paul, it will be 32 degrees and sunny. In fact, I can pretty much guarantee it.

And so I ask of you: Is it me? Am I just a negative person or something? Am I failing to see the Sunny Side of the Street here? Am I overlooking all of the silver linings that are lavishly bestowed upon my sickly, exhausted self?

Let me make a list of all the things that went right yesterday, and focus on those:
  • It could have been worse. The building could have been on fire. I would have lost ALL of my porn and I had 6 beers in the fridge. So those fire alarms, they were a blessing in disguise
  • I could have died in a snow-related car crash. And I didn't.

That's pretty much all I can come up with. Which means that I just need to learn that any day in which I do not lose everything I own in an apartment fire or die in a violent traffic accident is a FUCKING FANTASTIC DAY.

Clearly, I've been expecting too much. It must be that whole American entitlement thing.

39 comments:

  1. Nope, don't think you are exaggerating. That is pretty much a shit-tas-tic day. Hope things are better today.

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  2. A friend of mine once told me "Sometimes in life, that ol' shit gun is pointing right at you, and there is nothing you can do about it!"

    Sad to say, it's true, as you have so eloquently outlined in your post.

    C'mon over to my pad, we'll nurse a beer and howl at the moon.

    (But it will get better :)

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  3. I'm sure it will be better today. I kicked the shit out of Karma for you and stuffed it in a steamer trunk.

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  4. Sorry to hear about your bad day.

    We all have days like that.. and PMSing on top of it ....
    well, there aren't words.

    I hope today is better for you.

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  5. Well, I must have a pretty easy life, because your days sounds like an effing nightmare. I'd have blown a cork about 10 seconds after the fire alarm went off.

    If you ask me, you demonstrated the power of positive thinking by even attempting to drive to that writing class. I sure as hell wouldn't have. As soon as the fire alarms were shut off I'd have crawled back into bed a whimpered like a wee baby.

    Have a better day today!

    IB

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  6. It's you, you whiny little whiner!

    Hahahahahahahahaha.

    Kidding. Did it make you smile? No? Well, bite me.

    Seriously, I'm sending you happy thoughts (but I need 'em, so send 'em back when you're done, k?). I hope Tuesday (it IS Tuesday, right?) is much better! And Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Monday... well... I just don't have control over Mondays. Sorry.

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  7. Nope, you didn't exaggerate. That was a day of shit and nothing but. I'm sorry.

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  8. Is it horrible that I'm laughing right now?

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  9. Damn, someone needs to hit you with the happy stick!

    I'm surprised they didn't close the college. Where I live, the whole county shuts down if we get an inch of snow and it takes us weeks to recover. Rain is more our enemy here, flooding is horrible.

    Drink a hot toddy for the throat, this will also help those cramps, which BTW will stop, as will the flow, in about 30 years (believe me, it is bliss not to have those days). As far as the teacher? Well, he is there to stimulate your creative writing juices as is evident in your blog post.

    Always finding the happy!

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  10. Everything is relative, honey. Be grateful that you have a job, a car, and the opportunity to go to school. So many people would kill for that right now.

    Buck up!

    Or go have a stiff drink.

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  11. I checked the weather report for Monday and no shit here Missy. The high is in the 30's. Muahahahaha!

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  12. Oh that is an awful day! I hope your good karma comes around soon and pays off. Who knows - you might win the lottery! :)

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  13. P.S. - I awarded ya with something over at my blog. :)

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  14. all you have to do to have a shitty day is just get out of bed...

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  15. HOLY CRAP your day sucked! I have no words. My day pales in comparison... and even then, it wasn't that great!

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  16. The Universe knows what it's doing. You must trust it. After all, it's the only one you've got so you might as well make the best of it.

    Maybe the fire alarms held some horrible nightmare at bay or saved you from death due to sleep apnea.
    Maybe your delay on the drive to St. Paul allowed you to miss being in a horrible accident.
    Maybe you got cramps just to remind you of Eve's horrible sin and ultimate failure in the Garden.
    Maybe you just think it's bad when, in actuality, you've been spared a much more horrible fate.

    Either that or you're just a giddy little bitch who thinks the world revolves around her.

    But don't worry---Soon the Almighty Obama will take the Reigns and all of your troubles will evaporate...almost as fast as your savings account.

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  17. I had a this whole positive, things'll get better comment working in my head. Until you said "fart dust"... and I can't stop laughing!!!
    Sorry about the monthly thing. I have put mine on hold too, and I'm dreading when I have to set mine back to regular again.

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  18. Awwww, poor thing! That DOES sound like a shitty day. And fuck the whole "it could be worse" thing. As my DH says, "You only know your own worst day."

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  19. Oh, Cat, that IS a bad day. Being late to a first class SUCKS and this snowy cold miserable world called Minnesota sucks right now too (hello - it's negative degrees!).

    I also forget to bring my TJ cloth bags into the store. Unfortunately I do think you need to bring them in to collect on the good karma (at least, I'm hypothesizing that this is why I have yet to reap any karmic benefits from trying to save the environment).

    But, the two pluses in your day are biggies. You're not homeless or dead. That's pretty good.

    That being said, you can try to spin it all you want but some days just SUCK big time. I think you experienced one. I say wallow in the misery and then try to find the positives in the next days.

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  20. Nah, that shit always happens to me and I'm always in a pissy-assed mood. I hope things look up for you.

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  21. Nope - that definitely was a spectacular convergence of crappiness.

    I, for one, refuse to learn a valuable lesson from bad days - I much prefer to wallow in it.

    Your professor? Probably sleeps with a doll.

    Hang in there.

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  22. Mondays suck. Your Monday sucked especially bad. Maybe Tuesday will be/is being better for you.

    Maybe you should try being really really shitty to the universe. All the really shitty people I know seem to be, well, generally unhappy, but their lives don't seem to suck hugely.

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  23. I'm glad I don't have tonsils or ovaries.

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  24. Yep, I think your day sucked. Lots. Let's hope today is better, right?

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  25. You know what a day like that needs? Alcohol. Lots of it. In fact, any day, good, bad, apocalyptic, whatever... needs alcohol. Listen to some Patton Oswalt- buy it on iTunes, he is one funny motherf*cker. And I'm with you, hon. Cramps that could kill a donkey.

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  26. Oh baby, I am so sorry you had such a terrible day. Come on over to my house and have a beer and we will watch some porn and make out, OK?

    I had a pretty shitty day too, so I feel for you. Some days I wonder what saintly person I kicked in the balls to deserve such luck when I try to be such a decent person.

    I think it is our punishment for being too pretty. That's my theory.

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  27. Okay, so I was sitting down to actually get some work done, and I happen to see the comment above from Petra...great, damn, thanks alot, now I'll never get anything done tonight. I mean, something will get done, just not WORK...;)

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  28. Seriously, this week has totally sucked. like you, I am getting sick as well and the weather is shit. Well I hope your week gets better!

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  29. I'm fairly sure Martin Luther King Jr wasn't all about people not going to school. But what do I know? I'm just a grumpy bitch.

    Exagerrating? Not a bit of it my dear. I think you did very well not to end up inflicting pain upon someone (your professor would have been my first choice).

    Hugs
    Anna xxx

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  30. Fuck. I'm sending you vodka. And ripped muscled men named Guido to wait on you hand and foot.

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  31. I can only help you with the menstrual cramps, but I swear it's downright magical. Find some yarrow flowers and leaves, put a handful in a knee high or a muslin bag, and tie it to the bathtub faucet, so the water runs through it. Then, throw it in the bathwater and have a good twenty or thirty minute soak. Soak a washcloth in the water, and cover your reproductive area if the water doesn't reach. It works better than any painkillers imaginable, and takes away all the bloat. I used to have cramps so bad they made me puke, and this eliminated the need for even an aspirin.

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  32. NO your days sucks. My day sucks. It all just sucks

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  33. Today sucks. Don't get me started....

    But I commented on your comment, on my blog....

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  34. I swear, this laughter is sympathetic laughter, I promise! (See? I doubled the swear, which makes it true...?)
    Sorry you had such a rough day, I hope it gets better, the cramps go away, the snow clears up, and the magic fart dust this illustrious professor has up his butt in spades squeezes out some wet ones.

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  35. Sending some magic fart dust your way.

    You're welcome.

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  36. I laughed at the magic fart dust sarcasm.

    I also wanted to inform you that days like that are why alcohol was invented.

    I am also jealous of how many comments you get on a daily basis.

    See? You are more popular than me, why don't you get all happy about that instead of bitching about alarm bells and traffic. :P

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  37. Oh yes, and if you want to know about MY day....I had to clean up vomit from a baby and a baby bed in the middle of the night AND then AGAIN at 6:00am and then AGAIN as soon as we got out of the shower and clean sheets put on his crib AGAIN. Then later, I had to clean up about a liter of watery projectile vomit from my dining room table and the floor and I had to mop and do laundry and listen to whiny screaming sick kids all day. So at least you didn't have to smell or clean up anything gross.

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  38. AND....you got an award on my blog.

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  39. I also gave you an award on my blog. I hope it's not the same one as Teri. That would be SO embarrassing...kinda like showing up at a party wearing the same dress as someone else. What a nightmare!

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You.Yeah, you. Speak the fuck up.