Forget school shootings and mass murders and the fact that Popeye is a wasteoid: I've got something IMPORTANT to tell you.
I'm going to a poetry reading tonight, and I don't want to.
I know. Crazy, right? I wish there was some way to get out of it, but unfortunately, it's a requirement for my writing class to attend a public reading and write a paper on my response (which will likely consist of "I didn't understand shit" and "man was it boring"). The Dreds of Death have decreed this particular assignment. Sure, I got to pick any reading I wanted to attend, but since "getting drunk and reading the phone book out loud to myself" and "watching the Real Housewives of NYC" didn't make the list of approved events, I was forced to choose between "Stupid Poetry Reading A" or "Stupid Poetry Reading B".
I chose A, pretty much at random. Gray originally offered to go with me, but he's working late tonight. That's actually ok with me, because the only thing worse than going to a public poetry reading is getting kicked out of a public poetry reading because the guy I brought is snoring too loudly. Or possibly because he said something inappropriate. Like the time we were at a FAMILY-oriented improv comedy show and Gray shouted out that his "nipples are chaffing", so they forced him to wear a brown paper bag over his head for the next 20 minutes. A very loud, brown paper bag that crinkled every time he breathed and drew attention to the fact that I was attempting to melt into the floor. Or like any time we go to the movies.
So it's probably better that I go to this one alone. Wait...I just read the syllabus again and it doesn't specify that I have to be sober at the reading. Nor does it say that I must I wear clothing. Hmmm. Suddenly I'm thinking this won't be so bad. I'll go and support The Arts (I'm bored with cancer so I'm switching it up). I'll boycott my liver. I'll practice my lap dance.
So I guess really, the only thing left to figure out is which of you should I call to bail me out of jail around 11:30 tonight?
And don't forget to bring some extra socks - it's cold outside and they'll have confiscated mine.
If booze helps you get through it I am all in favor. I would come get you from jail, but I am thinking the airfare would be a bitch and a half. And then there is the car rental...
ReplyDeleteI think I would have to be drunk.
ReplyDeletePoetry sucks.
Just suck it up. I used to go to poetry readings at coffeehouses when I was a teen. Pretentious, but it was where the intense guys hung out.
ReplyDeleteLike Rimmer.
may not be able to bail you out of the slammer but hey, if you're in the neighborhood afterwards we can bang back a couple of brews and discuss your loyal support of the arts! :o)
ReplyDeleteTheir interpretation of "poetry" is so uptight. Next they'll say that reading blogs doesn't count as a cultural event. Pssh whatevs.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with the reading. I'd come in Gray's stead except I tend make inappropriate comments also, before during and after I drink. Sorry I can't help.
ReplyDeletehmmm... I would have taken you for a poetry reading sort of gal ;)
ReplyDeleteDrink, Drink, Drink! LOL :P Hope you have an okay time, it might turn out to better than you think... maybe.
ReplyDeleteI love poetry (so shoot me) but I hate poetry readings. Everyone is oh, so profound.
ReplyDeleteI usually pick a mannerism to count - like, how many times they clear their throat, or say "abyss" or check their zipper. It passes the time. Make it a drinking game.
I'll go with you. We can drink vodka in silver flasks and giggle annoyingly.
ReplyDeleteBooze might be the obvious choice, but nothing says fun night of poetry like Acid or Crack.
ReplyDeleteDude, I so wish I was near you, we could get tanked and go dressed as super heroes or something and it would be a frikkin' blast!
ReplyDeleteRaincheck? For when I am in your neck of the woods?
I would offer to go with you but that kind of stuff makes me want to point and laugh. Feelings are funny. Have fun and drive safe!
ReplyDeleteI'm with Kel, I think a hit of acid would greatly improve a poetry reading! Are there any poetry slams around that you could go to? 'Cause competition makes it more fun.
ReplyDeleteHow about if we all write a post that we title "poetry for Cat" and then you can get Gray to read them all aloud to you. Would tht ount as a Public Poetry Reading if he did this while you were out to dinner or something? Maybe at Starbcks? At least you know the subject matter would be funny?
ReplyDeletePoetry readings take a reasonable art form and turn it into television.
ReplyDeleteI'll be far too drunk for you to call me for bail. But I promise I'll be there in spirit. "Spirit" meaning like... the alcoholic kind...
ReplyDelete