It's Confirmed: I'm Awesome

I really shouldn't tell you people this. I know it's a bad idea. It's WAY more than you can handle.

But this is the only way to get the praise and congratulations I deserve, so click here for my FIRST! EVER! GUEST POST!!

Now, listen. We gotta lay down some ground rules here. The host blog belongs to an intellectual - my PROFESSOR, no less - and it is a blog for English majors at my university.

I tell you this because the type of nonsense that goes on here at Zipbag of Bones will not be appreciated at this smarter, fancier blog:

• Use of the word "fuck" (or any derivation therewith) shall not be tolerated!
• No references to genitalia will be allowed, and yes - this includes sexual innuendos and questions about why it burns when you pee.
• Please refrain from making fun of dwarfs, retards, unicorns or Twilight fans. (As per usual, jokes about Obama and Jesus are fair game.)
• Only intelligent comments will be tolerated. The rest of you will be hunted down and Sawzalled into tiny little pieces of goo. BRUTALLY.

Not only does my grade depend on you idiots not fucking this up, but also my reputation as a high-minded scholar, devoted solely to the mastery of knowledge and the contemplation of metaphysics as it concern the indigenous people of Peru in the 13th century.

DON'T RUIN IT FOR ME.

You know what, it's probably better that none of you even go to my guest post. Forget I ever said anything.

Here, have some candy.