Tuesday, December 01, 2009

I Also Need To Shave. Everywhere.

It's Tuesday again. Seems like it's Tuesday a lot these days. Like, every few days or so. What the fuck, Tuesday?

So I was laying in bed last night and I realized that I needed to put some lotion on my legs in a BAD way. They were so dry that I was using the heel of my right foot as a leg scratcher. I also realized I need a pedicure if my heel is sharp enough that I can use it as a leg scratcher.

I'm really not sure if I'm going to get up the "oompfh" to decorate for Christmas this year...that's a whole lot of crap to haul in and out when we won't even be in the state for the big day. Sure, it'll be festive and it'll give me some extra shit to dust around and vacuum up every week, and boy will those light be a pain in the ass to untangle. But what's Christmas without some extra "fuck me's" and some random "grab the fire extinguisher's!"?

I got a refund from the State of Minnesota for an small overpayment I made a couple of months ago. Except I was paying $1,100 my ex-husband and I owed from tax year 2006, so both of our names were on the account even though I made all the damn payments. And, of course, the check was made out to BOTH of us so I can't cash the damn thing without his signature, which means I can kiss that refund goodbye.

What the fuck is up with that "Come on man" guy on ESPN? Gray was watching the pregame show last night while I baked cookies, and I wanted to STAB MYSELF IN THE EARS. Dude was so black I couldn't understand one fucking word (except, of course, for "Come on man") he said. For minute there, I thought Gray was watching Univision again. I cain nunderstan you, MAN.

Sudoku is hard.

I officially have about 85% of my Christmas shopping done, which isn't really that great considering I'm buying NOTHING for NO ONE this year. In that case...how the hell did I spend so much money on Amazon?

I saw a guy have a seizure on black Friday. It reminded me of when people have seizures.

I realize I forgot to update you all on my fridge stink situation back in October. My bad.

Of all the commentary about the whole Tiger Woods controversy, I believe Wanda Sykes said it best. My favorite part is where she says "the black in him bought the Cadillac and the Asian in him crashed it".


Are you paying attention Mastercard? THAT is priceless.