Tuesday, January 05, 2010

Maybe I'll Get A Second Job. I Could Use Some Cash. For The Speed.

Well this is new.

It's 2:38 a.m. and I've been awake for, oh I don't know, all night long so I finally got out of bed, came downstairs, made some coffee and brought Landers out to play.

Landers is my laptop, you sick freaks.

Anyway, my point is that I'm awake. Still. Or again, depending on if you'd count the brief interludes of semi-unconsciousness that I experienced in the last 4 hours as actually "sleeping" or not. This is just weird. I'm a girl who needs her full 8 hours or I'm liable to Bitch Out On Yo Ass. BOOYA. I fucking swear I didn't even plan that acronym. I'm just ::that:: awake right now.

I just started taking budeprion for a couple of reasons, one of which is to boost my dopamine levels that my existing medication seems to follow into the neurological alleyways of my brain, rape, and steal their ability to ever hang out in neurological alleyways again. Don't ask me what that means, it's fucking SCIENCE. Either you get it or you don't.

And now it would appear I am one of Those People who medicate to offset side effects of my medication. Ah, but I'm a positive, happy dope head who almost never wants to drive my car into the mighty Mississippi anymore, so fucking bite me.

I met with Dr. Legs (remember her?) a couple of months ago with questions about smoking cessation and chronic fatigue, and she recommended Chantix and budeprion, respectively. Trouble was, we didn't think it was a good idea to start both new meds at the same time because if I start seeing giant green beans or erupt in hives (which my sister experienced when she tried budeprion)((the green beans, not the hives, she was found attempting to knaw through a corinthian column that she'd smeared with butter and squirted with lemon wedges)), I want to know which of the new meds is causing the reaction.

So it came down to priorities. I wanted to quit smoking first, that was of the utmost importance to me, so I started with the Chantix. It was awesome. And I heart it. And now I'm ready to try budeprion in the hopes that I'll both Get My Groove Back and that I'll finally feel like I'm not exhausted all the motherfucking time.

Which brings us to 2:50 in the morning, and I'm so beyond wide awake that I'm beginning to wonder if instead of picking up my prescription for budeprion, maybe I scored some speed from that guy down on Lake Street who sells deli meat and Rolexes from the trunk of his '87 Seville.

Or maybe my doctor gave me speed.

Now that I think about it, she DID mention something about how she loves to give this medication to fat, depressed women because it makes them feel fantastic and lose weight at the same time, and that she personally takes budeprion when she's dieting because she can go all day and hardly notice she's starving herself to death. My words, not hers. Which is kind of a bonus for me, because I've got about 8 lbs of Not Smoking Weight clinging to my ass and belly, so if that could go ahead and vamoose, I'd be THRILLED.

This whole "not needing to sleep" thing is going to be fucking awesome when I start my spring semester next week. Because have you people SEEN how long The Odyssey is? I just picked up my books from the campus last night, and there are 9 of them. NINE. I could start reading now and not finish reading these texts until I graduate. In 2011.

So now I'm trying to decide if I should dig into Angelou's explanation of why the caged bird sings, or if I should crawl back in beside the softly snoring Gray and attempt, once again, to get a couple hours of shut eye before work.

Nah, I think I'm going to catch up on the episodes of Intervention that are saved to my DVR at gloat in my superiority over those losers who let chemicals run their lives.

And I'm not even being ironic.