I still don't understand how the Internet works

Every once in a while, I get curious about visitors to Zippy. What kind of freaks are you? Fortunately, there's a way to find out.

These are my Google Analytics scores going back to the beginning of this blog:

 

17,099 unique page views

2 mins 52 seconds average time on site
77.03% bounce rate

 

At first, it seems like a lot of page views, but then I look at the Content stats, which show that I've drawn lots of readers who had no interest in my blog, so they left right away.

 

The same is true when I check out the keyword search terms, because I'm pretty sure the guy who came to Zipbagofbones by googling, "Labia weights" didn't intend to find this post.

 

Naturally, I like to try to imagine which of my content pages got pegged by Google search to pull up a result which led a stranger to my blog. Labia was an easy guess, but what about "activia and anal fissures"? What about "how to break my arm"?

I MUST KNOW.

So now, we're going to play Let's Match That Google Search Keyword To A Post From This Blog!

To start us off, please welcome My Most Common Google Search Term:

• i want 18 (and other variations like iwant18, iwant 18, 1 want18.com, et. al.)

Variations of "i want 18" has been my number one search traffic generator for as long as I've had access to a computer. Which, if you read the post that started it all, makes you realize exactly how long and how often I irritate horny teenage-lovers everywhere. Awesome.

Here are some others. I literally searched these terms in my blog dashboard, and I had exact matches for all of these. I really should pay more attention to what I'm saying...

• eating feces
• kanye west toilet
• xxx
• kate gosselin pink cowboy hat
• midget joke
• christmas wedgie
• really sick shit This post also explains the search keywords "fursuit fetish, fursuit fetish story, and fursuit fetish gang bang.
• una's dwarf
• i smell bad
• "a mean meatball"
• i wear my sisters clothes
• scary bush baby (bush baby scary)

As I discovered last time, clearly, I am NOT what you people are looking for. And that makes me feel complete inside.